Outono Sussurro
by Reinamarie Seregon
Summary: Takes place post DA 2. Zevran is gravely wounded and seeks refuge with Fenris. Does Fenris still love him? They find themselves guiding an impulsive rebellious shemlen. Evolving, noncanon Zevran I choose to tell my story in conversational -style, that's why not conforming to the usual complete-sentences thing.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings to flamers: I always prefer to have mutual and reasonable respect but deplorable people showed up. Fanfiction is synonymous with fun, Not criticism & nitpicking. I already have a professional network writer's group and tactful friends, thus no need for that. It's great to have questions/debates about Fenris and gameplay stuff, can chat or ask **ME** qns Because some trolls made snide remarks to each other on reviews, that's just immature. I highly recommend you not testing the extent of retribution on those who insist on being asses. I've Kahlan Amnell's tenacity. Alistair asks Zevran what's the use of asking forgiveness when he keeps sinning? It's a metaphor for not being judgmental

* * *

**Autumn Whispers - Outono Sussurro**

**Part 1**

_Recommended song Within Temptation truth beneath the rose._

He managed to reach the side gate of the familiar-looking mansion, before dropping to his knees and collapsing. Red saturated a shoulder and chest. If the man had a choice, he would be controlling such a rapid descent to the ground, not wanting to hurt his perfect face. Vaguely someone screamed. He wished they would shut up and let him sleep just a while longer. Clomping footsteps came very near and more talking ensued, then he was turned on his back. Though his eyes were closed, the red haze of agony and urge to throw up remained.

"Maker! It's… an elf! Get Fenris, NOW!" Attendants carried him to a spare room, with different ranks of Healer-mages in white and red robes rushing in. The ones who started mending the internal injuries were horrified by the brutality. Who would do such a thing? He looked so innocent. Of course these people had not been delegated to the battlefields, some were adepts in training. Tubs of hot water and healing balms were smeared red. After the most severe wounds had been closed, someone recognized him as Zevran Arainai and the message became more urgent.

Fenris ran in, still clad in his spiked armour, closely trailed by a shorter young woman in simple robes. The tall warrior's lyrium glowed as his emotions and anxiety ran high. He was barely gasping from his sprint. "Can you save him?" he demanded, an intimidating sight, though he had not unsheathed his Greatsword yet.

"Yes, Sir. He just needs rest."

"How long?" Fenris growled, gripping the fellow's shoulder so hard that he squeaked. They blurted that they wouldn't know. The black-haired girl placed a restraining hand on Fenris. Everyone had been waiting with bated breath if that man would be flung to the opposite corner of the house or stabbed by the tall elf's phasing.

"Uncle Fenris, they won't let us down," she repeated a third time. He frowned, ears pricking and turned to answer. The magic faded and once more he looked normal. But she was now gaping. Why, because she had never seen another exotic Elf besides him. Her mother forbade her to visit the Alienage (town of immigrant elves), let alone traipse to Dalish encampments. Still, a sickroom with so much blood was not for one of such a tender age…

He remembered their original purpose and motioned they leave the room. "Sabriel, you shouldn't follow me in. Come away. Are you alright?" Fenris led her outside, one hand to block her face. That unfortunate mage rubbed his shoulder mournfully glaring.

"But… I…" she scowled as he began herding her to outside. With another adult, Fenris wouldn't have given in but this was an exception. They sat together on a couch outside.

"Uncle Fenris, who's he? Worried, were you going to hit them?" She tried to be serious but imagining how _interesting _it will be for a fight and brawl scene!

"He is- a friend. No, that won't happen." He rubbed his forehead, relieved that he had not hurt someone rash in that blind panic. "Ah yes, don't you need to go for training?"

She snorted, a very unfeminine sound that almost triggered him to laugh, but he swallowed it back. "Nah, I've to be at the Chantry today. I'm not going. Don't tell Mum. I'm with you, anyway not with bad company. Help me."

Although Fenris didn't approve of preaching nuns who seemed like brainwashers, he was going to pretend he did not hear that. Sabriel often bent the rules. "I still want to see you walk in to the sparring class. At least. If she does not meet me, I won't have to speak. " The youths went to combat-sparring sessions and duels at one building and history, culture, religious classes at the Chantry.

"That's much much later. Can't I follow you around, Uncle Fen?"

Sabriel fingered his longer pale hair and admired those viridian slanted eyes. Like beautiful glass jewellery. He took his role as guardian quite seriously and shook his head. "No. Since you don't want to attend religion, maybe you can… mix with your friends. Or, something else. It'll be fine. "

Fenris had been deprived of a normal childhood and now time couldn't turn back, but he could influence the present. While waiting for her, someone at the library had talked with him about that. Since she pressed for a reason, he listed the options.

Plus a semi-plea: "I didn't have choices, squirt. Remember you said you'd cheer me up? This is not." He closed his eyes.

She thought about it. "Then, I will. Don't worry, know you want to wait for that handsome one to wake up. Wow." He managed a smile. Yes, he had won the short term battle! After listening to her account of trivial, Fenris decided to accompany her as Zevran might not wake so soon. They walked together to the city's training Academy about fifteen minutes away and he stopped at the gate. Her friends were all blushing and waving, blowing kisses to him. He didn't pay them attention.

"I'll come back, can I visit him? Don't worry so much." she urged him, not letting go of his hand.

"Yes. I know. If you skip lessons I will punish you." He feigned anger. They shared a laugh. "Thanks. Goodbye."

She hugged him first before going inside. Fenris returned to the mansion. After Danarius perished, Varric had rallied some buddies to spruce up the place and he was never alone for long. In the beginning, the reclusive warrior had been upset about the lack of privacy but through these years, he had learnt to appreciate their kindness. Sabriel was the niece of Aveline one of the bravest Knights he had the pleasure of fighting alongside. Her mother Esme was connected to the Order of the templars but had always made Fenris welcome in some feasts she organized.

* * *

Coming upstairs, he hurried to check on Zevran. Their friendship was on and off, mostly because they worked together on some quests. Although Fenris didn't take to people easily, watching how frail he now looked, he wished he could apologise for his brusqueness before. Zevran was coy and humorous, liked to regale them with his adventures even if he didn't always want to pay attention.

"I don't know if you can hear me, Zevran. Come back," he whispered, patting his hand not covered by the bedsheets. The injured assassin looked gaunt and extremely ghost pale, breathing labored from broken ribs. Some of his facepaint had smeared off and a scar had etched along his right cheek. His beautiful golden locks had lost their sheen and braid. A mage softly spoke about his condition, that Zevran might wake up in a week if he did not have concussion and there was minimal suffering as they had cast a Deep slumber spell. It was best to give him fluids if he roused.

This time, Fenris was calmer and dismissed the servants. He rinsed a washcloth and sponged the patient. Had to watch out for high fever and infection. At one point, his eartip moved and he seemed to twitch his fingers. Zev was Antivan so when he murmured something, the warrior did not understand. _When you get better, I'll listen to all of your speeches. Fight it _Then he noticed how cracked and ashen zev's lips were and gently dripped water. The last time they had met, the assassin had kissed him while tipsy. Fenris had chided him. His wounded expression of hurt could not be erased from memory. Who could possibly have done this to Zevran Arainai, finest Grey Warden assassin? He soon fell asleep from wondering these.

As Fenris stirred from his vigil beside the painted elf, people announced a name and knocks continued. "Coming. Who is it?" He could not help being irritated.

"Me, Alistair. I got word Zev is here, with news?" the friendly guy waved and popped his head in. Then he saw who was lying in the bed.

Fenris said, rising from the chair and inviting him in. "He's still not woken up. What news do you mean?" Normally he got along well with the templar, since he was without magic and his chattering did not grate on the nerves like Zev and Isabella.

Alistair began explaining about random riots and wars breaking out in the other regions. Then a servant came in with bloodstained documents. They had been found on Zevran and two other Crows. Those two refused to speak at all, having their wounds treated and held for questioning by Aveline. "Um sorry Fenris."

The lyrium elf looked at him quizzically. "Why?"

"That Zev is… down. He wasn't always the nicest person, but we fought together. Though I suspected him, he became alright. I hope he gets well. Soon. " Alistair tried to hold his emotions in check.

Fenris nodded imperceptibly. He appreciated this sentiment. "It's fine." They tried to decipher the seals and documents. When some people returned to continue examining the unconscious elf, Alistair declared, "Um I'm famished! Anything to eat here?"

"Yes of course. You're always hungry." Fenris smiled.

* * *

Zevran thought he he was hearing Rinna his ex lover crying out to him. He wept. And his mother. Wait, weren't they dead? Why does life have to be so damn rosy Maker? He demanded. Wet droplets dribbled into his parched throat and a cold liquid spread across his face. Without opening his eyes, Zevran tried to jerk away but a firm hand pressed him down. He was left in peace.

The distinct aroma of coffee and moving items, footsteps assaulted his senses.

"Hey Zevie!"

He moaned, feeling a hammer on his skull. Who the hell dared to call him that? His heavy eyelids cracked open and the first thing about this person was the stubble on his chin and then the friendly face. "Alistair? Where…" Zevran instinctively moved, jarring his chest and coughing.

"Ah no no. Calm down, you've been hurt. Just woke after like, two weeks."

That was a good idea. He caught his breath and found he could speak but at a whisper. Alistair leaned closer. "Really? Where is this?"

"Fenris' home." At the mention of his friend, Zev was filled with mixed emotions. He also wanted to cry but not in front of others. The templar helped him to hold the cup so he could drink water.

Then someone else asked loudly, "Uncle Alistair! Is he finally alright now? The cool elf guy?"

The templar blocked his view and spoke to her. But in she came, Zevran's vision was blurry but he made out her dark short hair and she was holding a staff. "This is Sabriel Kitana, niece to Aveline. Ah I forgot wait wait." Because the patient had been bleeding they had stripped him of the loose robe too. Alistair covered him with a blanket.

Sabriel was now at the foot of his bed. "Hello. I'm Zevran Arainai. Normally I would bow but…" He said delighted with the attention.

"Wow! Is that an Elvish name? Yep pointed ears," she noted. He chuckled.

"Sabriel, don't be rude. And he's sick."

His weakness faded temporarily. "No I'm alright. Nice to have a visitor, hehe. You may notice I am… not clothed." Mischeviously, the elf began to push away the blankets.

"Might I speak, she is underage. You'll catch a cold." The man stopped him from doing so. She had a confident poise and instead of a dress that Zevran expected, she wore a masculine coat and leggings.

"Uncle Alistair, I'm fine. C'mon." She rubbed her staff and then leaned it against a wall.

The elf tried to figure out how they were related. Totally different, or maybe she had a different mother…. "Congrats Alistair. Your niece is, nice."

They stopped bickering. "Oh he's not my uncle in that sense. I also call Varric, and Fenris that. They're my friends. Cos I'm adopted amongst everyone." Sabriel explained. She tried to look for the antivan tattoos that she had read about.

"Look not too long. We also have important things to discuss. When you're better, Zev." He felt weary again but wanted to wait for Fenris to come.

When the door closed, the patient gingerly shifted his sore body more comfortably. Lying on his side, he was less dizzy. "Yep I won't stay too long. Sleep."

"Can I talk with him? Fenris?"

"I already sent a messenger. He's busy now, on some mission. They said you have knives and lots of tools. Why?" Her brown eyes were wide as saucers.

He let her feel his ear tips and touch his hands. "I'm an assassin. You aren't, scared?" Partly because of the bloodloss and consideration he didn't elaborate.

"Nope. I'm doing combat lessons at the Academy. Using staff, not good with blades yet. How is the pain?" He was very intrigued but too tired to respond.

Sabriel dug in her bag and opened a small vial of rose fluid. "Hm I think you are still in pain. Want to try this? Helps with pain."

"Oh sure." Not blushing, she helped him to apply it to his right shoulder. "You made it?" He yawned.

"Alchemy class. We're to make a few in case of injuries."

"So smart." He smiled charmingly. This time Sabriel tucked hair behind her ear and chuckled. She said he ought to eat something.

Then Fenris came, looking different without armour. He was clad in a grey shirt and pants. Zev exclaimed in Antivan forgetting his condition and moved to jump up. She was holding a tray of food, delicious warm chicken smell wafted.

"Don't move, you're not well." Fenris chided, holding out his hand. Zevran said he was alright though he paled. His chest ached again.

"hey uncle wanna feed him? Hahah!"

Fenris glared at Sabriel but not in a fatal sort of way. "We are friends. Can you Stop implying something?" That was the familiar low husky voice Zev remembered. "You can feed him." Fenris gave her the chair and tucked the blankets.

Internally the warrior wanted to shout yes you didn't die! But the danger was past so no need to be demonstrative. Zevran was a bit disappointed, expecting more warmth. After all he'd almost died.

He ate and after some spoonfuls, as Fenris was silent. "Oh you have a niece now?"

"No. She is my charge… hey didn't you introduce yourself? Alistair came isn't it?"

"Yep I did. Maybe you're too tired, still in pain." Zevran didn't mind. He admitted he may have forgotten. After some time, the stoic elf came to stand on his other side.

"Good that you're awake. I almost, threatened the mages." He had no tone in his voice, just neutral.

"Yea! Lucky none died! More like punch." she bantered. The patient could see they were very close, no one dared to speak to Fenris like that before.

"Argh, that's too dramatic. I don't, won't kill innocents." Zevran chuckled, though he was still waiting for more reaction.

He took his hand. The warrior frowned at him. "What is it? Does it hurt?"

"Um yes. Stay a while." They talked about herbs and medicines. Fenris could read the labels and Zevran lay back listening to his voice. Later he murmured- did he glow blue?

Fenris said, "Not that much. Okay that's too much excitement. You deliberately forgot what we planned, squirt. He is a guest." She said sorry but cheekily. With some food and medicines, the antivan fell asleep.

"What was it, uncle Fen? Weird tongue," She bounced.

"I don't know either. It's antivan, his country." Softly Fenris turned down the lights and they left the room. "Oh yes I've to check on him. And meet Alistair about other things… will you be going home?"

He marvelled at their friendship and trust, despite his own difficult personality. "You're not seriously angry are you? Wanted to cheer you up."

"No I'm not. I won't even be talking to you. So, please answer me." She said wanted to stay over, and he sighed.

Zev's migraine got worse when he tried to think about what happened. A lot of time to, as he was confined to bed. Some old friends came, even Wynne. She had disliked him. He really liked Fenris, they were such opposites! Perfect starter to ask the girl about him. She visited most of the time.

"Hello Zev!"

"Come in." He looked up from the boring novel.

"Please, continue with what you need." Today he was wearing thicker clothing and his legs covered by extra blankets.

"No no I'm better company today. Wish I can go out, haha. But for this problem." Zevran complained amicably.

She enquired about his health and made him eat some fruits as well. "Hm you notice Fenris and I? Are…"

The girl gasped almost dropping her pen. "Er… that's true. Actually Uncle Fenris was pissed off when they said don't know when you'd be fine. Hasn't exploded like that for a while, Aveline told me not to talk about the past. Those bad men."

He nodded, good that they understood the broody elf so well. Who was the Aveline? He couldn't recall. Sabriel was really curious of his features. "What colour are your eyes? Not green?"

"hehe brown. Like yours. Yea" They had eye contact and she chuckled. He was pleased to talk about mundane stuff and not worry too much. "I'm not offended. Depends on the family I guess."


	2. Fenris is awesome

**Autumn Whispers**

**Part 2**

*Set in Fenris' mansion, I hardly go home Lol!

* * *

**Sabriel's journal **

I love Fenris the most out of all my adopted fathers! He had been distant and brushed me off a lot but when I had felt lost, uncertain he had come through for me. Aunty Aveline said he's outwardly calm a lot unless you provoke him. His blue-white veins cause him pain sometimes. And he does not like people who ply him with endless questions. Maybe I had, before I understood privacy and boundaries.

Still, I'm glad I persisted in trying to befriend the lonely warrior and though he still does not talk that much, Fenris has a kindness that's unique.

One day I lost my patience with his brooding and ignorance of me. _I Like you for what's inside here, Uncle Fenris! Not because of how you look or magic or not! I pointed to my chest. _Forgot if we were arguing and I had come to his house, but though the servants had let me in, he ignored me. I got his full attention, and Fenris looked at me directly. "I didn't mean to be rude and angry. It's… the cruelty of mages. They burnt this marks into my skin. You… are right. And, I don't talk to children everyday."

Of course I didn't understand who or what are mages or elves and so on. I just showed him my picnic basket of food and we shared them. He asked me what kind of breads or scones they were, evidently not seen them before. Amazing how food can open the way to conversations. One of my hobbies is finding out people's likes, dislikes and compare them. He gradually relaxed, because I didn't care about his history as a slave and he liked the foods that my matron prepared. Always have extras.

Six years down, I trust Fenris as he's more encouraging than my stuckup mother and I talk to him more. He doesn't try to force advice on me. Now Zevran is here, I'm curious! I'm excited to talk to him. Did they like each other? What kind of love is that? What's Antiva like, wow!

Funny when we visited, Fen didn't want to respond much. The other adults also talked about what they found when Zev had fainted. He had almost died. I did want Fenris to hug him but of course, no. haha! Although the rogue is unwell, he makes me laugh.

I don't need to say he's handsome, he already is confident and happy. Alistair says not to be rude, still I don't think Zev minds. He eats too little though. Since he asked about what I noticed, I thought I'd try a question of my own.

"Zevie? Sorry, can I ask you a question? You need not answer if… " I watched his angular face, thoughtful and eyes roving over the same pages. I didn't think he liked to read, more of a talkative elf. Glancing at the cover, it was the history of some noble war.

Facing it down on his lap, Zev smiled. "No problem. I'm not that easily angered."

He patted the chair. "Eh do you like, love more than one person?" I took a seat and mixed some tea to help with fever and aching. A jar of herbs needed careful measuring, so I didn't have chance to see his expression.

After a short silence, the elf's merry voice said, "Oh. But, you are much too young for me to answer that in detail. He will not be pleased. I like to have many friends, yet not all love me back as I wish. And yourself?"

He always turned the question back to me! I muttered something vague. Sometimes when he's up to it, he can feed himself and is more alert. Today it's good that his voice is less whispery and he can sit up on his own. Some men came to change the dressings, that are less red. I come back earlier than Uncle and don't want to do homework, so I prefer to join Zevran. Although he is quite new to me, we don't have problems communicating.

* * *

Few days later, I saw him outside the bedroom, straining to keep his balance and leaning on the wall. He was frowning and the other hand was pressed to his side. I think he had been wearing leather armor but now clothed with a loose pale robe. His golden hair was reflective of the light. "Hey, what are you doing?" I dragged a chair over.

"Morning Lady Sabriel. I'm fine. Um, because I can't be a cripple forever, no?"

I pointed firmly at the chair and he took a seat. I almost burst out giggling at the cute way he liked to end questions with no or yes.

"You won't be. Healers said to remain in bed. You're skinny." I shook my head.

"Perhaps, I should eat a bit more today."

"I'll call them. Wait a while." He agreed and I went to make arrangments.

I made him eat a breadroll first. Then I supported Zevran down to the dining hall. He made small talk with every serving girl. It was a refreshing change from the long silences that Fenris had. "Ooh you're joining me? Again?" He asked when I sat beside him.

"Yep. Lessons are cancelled. Why, I'm not nice."

Zevran slit his eyes. "Seriously, not bored by me? Not at all, this is your house. Heheh." Presently, he was curious why I didn't like to attend lessons. "I know the Chantry can be dull but combat sounds, exciting. One day let's exchange tips. I don't use the staff." He doesn't sound dull alright.

I laughed. "Er yes! Because the fat sisters there are always scolding me for not being neat and so I run off. They need exercise. Duh."

He chewed his food and rubbed his chest, amused. "Does your mother, and Fenris know? Cute."

"Not unless I go back. Mother will lecture me and restrict me, so I prefer to be here. I wanna meet different people, it's just mages or templars. Oh yea you're neither right?"

"No, hehe. I'm from Antiva, and an assassin."

"Oh dear, are you in pain?" He hadn't stopped rubbing his chest. I checked but there was no bleeding.

"It hurts to laugh. Ribs are slow to mend… never mind. Do go on." It was awesome, I hardly have people listen more than chatter at me, or order me around. Zevran is good at both. I think it's true that some Elves are jovial and want to socialise.

We established that blockhead or dumb Alistair changed his name to Zevie, 'horrible! I'm no child.' Haha! On whether he came across those who talked so much but didn't want to hear advice:

"Of course, it's so common! I have to take orders from them, they pay me. But I'm not supposed to fail. Lords, dukes are pompous fellows, always jabbering. Before we set off, I'm bored but no choice. Got to listen for the key information. I'm glad we can speak like this." He bade for me to take some untouched morsels.

"Why? Can't you just go?"

"Eh that'd be disaster. And I may tell them, this isn't possible, take options 2 or 3, but they never listen." This was the first time in almost 3 weeks, Zevran could come outside, being confined to the bedroom when he fell ill and the weather had been too erratic and chilly. The healers insisted he must stay where it was warm.

After a short rest, the blond elf asked to explore the mansion. I must have been showing my disagreement, for he pouted. "What, I can't?"

"I didn't say so. Oh how about the study? Fenris hardly goes in, still he doesn't mind me reading inside." I waited for him to amble slowly to me, my heart squeezing a little. He's only here for a while, then he'll go to Antiva… yet why am I feeling sorry? Because he shouldn't be this feeble, for a very active person. The study was not very huge, the original desk remained, and the shelves had some of the books I needed for studies.

I shook my head to dismiss these sentimentalities and asked once more if he needed a break. Zevran's hazel eyes seemed to dilate with astonishment. "You are worried, about my health? I want to read and write something. That won't be too taxing."

"Ah yea. You're under my, our care." He didn't joke about this, just picked up a gilded pen and tested the blank papers.

"Can I use these? Fenris can surely come to talk to me. When's he coming back?"

I looked them over. "Yea go ahead. Oh. He is busy now. I'm not sure." Uncle had told me to keep the explanation brief, they were investigating why Zevran and two other Crows had been hurt this badly in our town, but it would impede the patient's recovery. I thought Zevran was referring to the love and passion he harboured. _Men and men together aren't right to me, but what's the use of telling him that? _ Fenris said he was uncomfortable about such a relationship, but didn't know how and when to discuss it. Zevran soon located a red colored tome and smiled as he recited some of it and then wrote in neat handwriting. When he was done, he handed me a page.

"Dear one, can you give this to him?"

"But.." I was going to say Fenris barely read poetry. He prefers things that are straight to the point and simple. Zevran thanked me for my kindness. "One problem, Fen may not get it."

He beamed and said it was alright. "I want to wait up for him but he's so late. Please."

* * *

Another day, Fenris had some time off duty and we were having tea at a shop. "What does he mean? He wrote it himself?" He asked, showing me that sheet of paper.

"No Zev copied it from a romance novel. I think he's like this character Adeline in how the love is not repaid." I saw his neutrality become annoyance.

Fenris grumbled. "But I've made it clear, we are _just _friends. He must be very sick, in the mind. All these years and still…"

"I've tried to say no, but he looks so friendly and wants to wait for you. All these years?"

He nodded, swirling the cup of coffee. "I mean after so long, he has not changed his ways. I don't know or read much of this stuff. Have you told him that?" Sometimes embarrassed Fenris to admit this, but he was open with me. Being a slave meant no education except in speech. Sometimes, Alistair helped him.

"Yup. But I also didn't want him to faint. Hey don't blow up the shop."

He smiled, ears pricking. "Such nonsense, squirt. My powers don't have explosives. That's observant. I did visit him last night, does he feel better? He was fast asleep."

I told him what I had seen. Fenris was pleased, but scowled when I said looking forward to the next progress.

"Hello there won't be Any progress. Remember not to let him come outside. He had a lung infection."

I smiled at the meticulousness of it all. "Yea so I just helped him around some of the rooms." Usually he would focus when I spoke but now he looked up at something behind me.

"All these endless meetings and chasing criminals. Damn it. Sabriel, take care of him. I need you to promise me."

"Why, you're leaving?" I felt panicked. Fenris' green eyes shone.

"Not forever. We have more words to share, and still Arainai. Oh yes, why am I hearing some complaints again? Can't you see I have enough problems? So stressed." He pressed a hand to his forehead. Aw man, though I had stopped running away from studies, they still talked? I truly felt sorry and touched his right arm where one of the most swirly tattoos was. It always calmed him.

Fenris finished the coffee and one of the men came to speak with him. They used a different language. "Oh you can still see Zevran during breaks. Maybe we can spend more time together, when this one is over. Want to talk with Varric?" Uncle smiled again, and I was proud he could find some humour. I said alright and watched him strap his weapons. Today he was using two smaller swords.

"Be safe Fenris. Er should I explain to him?"

"No need I'll do it. Thanks, you too." He ruffled my hair and hurried off.

A Litany of Apologies

While observing Zevran from various angles, reading, speaking to people or just doing nothing, I opened my sketchbook to secretly draw him. My day had gone badly and I wanted to be alone. That meant the second library. Engrossed in my art, I never heard him come up in stealth until his breathing fluffed my hair. I snapped the pages shut and jumped up. "Wow. Did you draw them?" the elf commented.

"Why did you sneak up on me?" I had forgotten his chosen job, hurt or not.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I was looking outside." Zevran said, nodding to the French windows. "Forgive me. " His tunic was half open, revealing bandages. I didn't have the mood and walked to the end of a long table. The chair was so tall, I used to hide here from the world! Today I couldn't control myself, my hand was shaking and tears dropped wetting some pages.

The injured elf had not left. "Er Sabriel? What happened?"

I lied there was no problem, also I felt embarrassed to cry now. His voice was sincere this time, free of sarcasm and jokes. "Are you angry, that I frightened you? Please."

How could a day, a trivial issue go SO WRONG? Mother had come home, and hyperventilated on me! Am I not her child? I had been so thrilled winning a duel, yet her face had darkened and she began yelling how sloppy I was, to pick up the messes. How did I expect her to come back so soon?

Zev's concern furrowed his brows. Hesitantly I told him and he took it all in. "Sorry… usually I tell Varric, Fenris. I Hate my mother! She always wants me to be a Real girl, but I don't want to. I'm like this bird in some ornamental cage. She…doesn't understand me, how I don't want to be a princess type of girl, all fluffy dresses, boring speeches, and gossiping." I mocked her.

"It'll be alright. Not now, but it has passed, no? She- should not have shouted. You are a girl."

I rubbed my eyes. "I see. Why are you outside? It's quite, cold here." I saw him slip his hands into the pockets and shiver.

"I got bored. I want to talk to someone. Can I see the drawings? They're nice." He smiled and was truly keen to hear the story behind each one. I soon forgot my original hurt and misery. "Oh a mabari hound. I want to draw one. May I?" I lent him my pencil. So cute, they were just circles and dots. He tried with both hands.

Zevran chuckled,said I was the pro at this. "Shucks. Tell me do you think it's that bad to tear my dress when I'm shooting arrows?"

"No. How does a dress tear? I suspect she had a bad day? And you too. Don't worry. "


	3. Torn

Part 3 Torn

_*in the movie 'Brave' she proves her strength in archery. Read up about this too, corsets are made of metal to flatten female curves. Agonizing. Natalie Imbruglia, fitting theme for this one.._

* * *

Zevran understood when I explained how tightly laced the corsets and cortes are for girls and that mother had forced me to wear one. Then during archery, I had to tear free, so I could breathe easier and move more fluidly. My sketch book was open on the desk and we were seated facing each other.

He looked sympathetic. "Thank the Maker I'm not born a lady. I envy some ladies for their ample bosoms. But, back to it Sabriel, you were expressing yourself. How's your shooting?"

I grinned. "Everytime I hit dead centre! When all the swords are taken, I train with the arrows. Because at home and here, there aren't targets so I practise with the ironwood bows there."

"Wow! Look forward to see you in action, darling."

Zevran and I talked at length about the difference in training with knives, daggers and bows. He had learnt a repertoire of all, but excelled with blades and daggers most. I loved how sincere he sounded, generously sharing his expertise. Then there was a scent of blood, when he coughed into a fist. He visibly paled, gasping. "What's wrong? Zevran!" He trembled and failed to catch his breath, though he held up one hand.

He was trembling very badly. I leapt up, went to assess his condition. Today most of the healers had returned home. Fenris hadn't come home yet. Shit! Blood had soaked through his bandages on the right side of his chest. Zevran tried to speak, that he had difficulty breathing suddenly. I looked around for something he could lie down, but other than the floor there was only this desk and the chairs. What should I do?

"Am… Fine." He was stubbornly gasping. The most important thing for a patient was to keep warm. I had left my cloak in the next room. Since it sounded like a wet cough, there could be internal bleeding so he might choke. Bad idea to lie down. "Zev, hold on. I'm going to keep you warm, get help. Just lean back alright? Hey listen to me!" I instructed him. His eyes rolled back. I rushed to take the cloak and cover him, before sprinting to the nearest Healers' clinic. The best healer in town was Anders, who was known as Abomination to some. I was so frantic that I began shouting until two lady mages agreed to go with me. He was not around.

Zevran was forced to be in bed until they could diagnose why he had relapsed. The servants had carried him to the nearest bedroom. I was pacing outside and felt as angry and upset as Fenris had been. Yet, he could not be more grateful. I came in when they were done.

His voice was not weak as he exclaimed, "Shit. I should have controlled the coughs. Didn't you hear I'm fine?" The Antivan glared at me, pissed. His dressings were changed and two blankets covered him.

"No! You relapsed. Sick. And you were going to pass out." I coolly retorted. "Why couldn't you keep warm?"

Zevran's cheeks flushed and he muttered something I didn't understand. A lady mage chided him and he settled down meekly. She told me the medicines and dosages of instructions were in a basket. I asked her why, he had seemed much better these days.

"The nights are chilly and your friend is not sleeping enough. It seems he overestimates his stamina. We have taken some blood samples, it may be other causes as well," she answered.

My heart ached and instead of weeping, I felt like making him pass out. She had said he's my friend… is he? She smiled and I remembered my manners to offer them hospitality and drinks. When I was back, but did not go into his room, Zevran called me, coughing again.

"Are you alright?" he asked humbly. "I can't reach.. the medicines."

I took the basket and read the labels. "Yes. She says you don't sleep enough. Why didn't you say so?" I tried to suppress my irritation. Here I thought he was open minded about genders and behaving like a- a typical Male!

He let me feed him the potions. "I really felt better. And you were sad."

I shook my head, my tears blurring a little and took a breath. "Why must men always talk like this? Pretend you're alright." Once Fenris had got hurt in attempting to rescue me, because of the markings he could not heal unless he rested. But Fenris ignored his injuries and carried me until we were in a safe place then collapsed.

"Ah I get your point. Because we can't afford to look weak, yes?" I chuckled, despite myself and felt his forehead. He closed his eyes and smiled.

He needed more rest. I got up. "You know, I didn't have caring parents either. My father was from the Alienage I think… and mother was Dalish. I was sold at a young age, to brothels. Something like the Blooming Rose. I hope, it helps."

Inside I thought oh god but aloud, I said he should sleep. Zevran asked softly if I hated my mother, the court life.

"Yes." In my hand was a glass bottle and I felt as if I could break it. _An unspeakable surge of emotions, vulnerable, why did they do that to him, is the world so unfair welled up in my chest._ _It threatened to overwhelm me. _I set the bottle down.I hurried to the other side of this bedroom where the windows were and the curtains billowed. The panes were shut, but why was there a wind? My hands! They were encased in a glittery gold light, oh no no. Not again. Not now!

Behind me, Zevran called my name. "No, stay back!" I ran out, trying to contain this Forcefield. I needed to find a place to release it, too much. The emotions turned to a pressure in my heart and my brain. Where's Alistair when I need him? He was the only one I'd told, as Fenris was deadset against magic. Over the years, the elf had trained to discipline his external lyrium, but mine manifested at strange times. Sprinting down the stairs, not caring if I fell or not, and past shocked servants people asking if I was fine, I spread my hands. The front doors opened.

The front gardens, bushes lit up with mana-flames and then all the excess was drained. Some of the lawn was blackened and scorched. No one is hurt, great. Vaguely, someone asked me, "Missy the windows…" I hit my forehead. A row of windows on the ground floor of Fenris' house had completely broken.

"Er don't worry. I, I will tell Fenris when he's back." The servants here have seen me in this state a few times. He hates magic, what excuse should I give? I asked a messenger to send for Alistair. With luck, he would get here first to help me control it.

* * *

I returned to the room where Zevran was lying in. The patient was still awake and watched me in concern. "Sabriel? What happened?" But he was not fearful, just stunned. Basically, I've out of control powers. How can I tell him that? I surveyed the room, ignoring his questions that everything was undamaged. Maybe I should say some boys and I were sparring and broke the panes.

I ran to the windows, to see if Alistair had come. He usually rode, but today a carriage came. Some men saluted and I saw the redhead get down, and a pale haired figure leapt down, swinging his greatsword too. My heart sank. Fenris! He would see the chaos, when I'm not ready yet!

"Zevran, don't tell them I'm here. I… there's a problem. And they're coming now." I told him urgently while searching for a hiding place. They walked very fast, as warriors and there wouldn't be time for locking my bedroom door. Ah the wardrobe here! I opened and squinted amongst the old clothes. Looked like enough room for me to fit in. He was just stirring awake. Good, maybe he wouldn't say anything then.

"Huh? I didn't see…" I showed thumbs up, put my finger to my lips and got inside the cupboard, shut the doors.

Footsteps approaching and Fenris called for me. He didn't sound angry. They were talking. Their voices were muffled from where I am. Still, I could hear Alistair wondered why I'd summoned him but I had disappeared? No, why must he say that? The buffoon! The lyrium elf asked Zevran if he had seen me. My heart raced.

He said he was in pain and had collapsed, the whole tale but leaving me out. I could kiss him. When the doors closed, and only silence ensued, I popped out.

"They've left. You were… like a lunatic, darling. Should I be scared?" He sat up and coughed a bit. I poured him some water.

I explained briefly that it was a secret from my guardian and my family. Maybe Alistair had told Aveline. "I think… it's templar magic. But they're taught to control it whereas mine is not constant. I always exploded things outside. Luckily no one has died. Anyway thanks so much. "

He beamed and yawned. "Kiss me?" I kissed him on the cheek. "Hm, he won't be upset. Just, talk to him." Yea I would have to. But not yet.

The stables in Hightown is another place I hide in. The sky's rose blush was over the horizon. I fed my horse and had the urge to take off somewhere into the Dalish forests. But I was hungry. I still had some arrows in the quilt and a longbow I had kept here. When something bothered me, or my episode worsened, riding while shooting at trees had a calming effect on my soul. Aveline used to do this too.

My horse whickered. I tensed. "Sabriel, are you alright? Did people attack the house?" Fenris' voice preceded his silent footsteps. I didn't dare to face him. The elf stopped somewhere to my right.

Yea I didn't hear wrongly, it was my friend. Because he seldom went too near others, on some days his tattoo-sensitivity was higher and discomforting.

But will he still be my friend, any longer? I swallowed and said, "No. No attack, it's just Mother screamed at me. And Zev collapsed, and I- (should I lie about boys throwing things) It's all so messed up." I rubbed my hair and slowly looked up at him.

Fenris frowned. "The windows broke. And outside, was burnt. I couldn't find you!" He was a little out of breath, did he run all the way here? His face was sheen with sweat and he was glowing slightly. I had sworn not to trigger a lyrium state, but now…

"I'm sorry, Fenris. That was me. Maybe you'll hate me." I had held back the rush of pain and grief but now it just broke loose. I covered my face. A whisper of cloth and he stepped closer. After a long while, to my disbelief his hand pulled me close to his chest. Wouldn't it be painful to hug me?

"It's… alright. Tell me slowly, one at a time."

He let me talk, only asking questions when he felt confused by my rapid fire words. We were sitting on a haystack. His green eyes were expressive with so many things.

"But you didn't want to talk to me? I… I'm not angry now. I was worried sick. " Fenris replied in an emotional voice. "I couldn't wait for news, it was too long."

I repeated how chaotic today had been, and my heart ached. He must be so exhausted looking for me.

Then he added, "Sorry that she hurt your feelings. Try to put it behind you. Are you less sad now?"

My eyes were swollen and I felt really sleepy. "How to? She's always and Still looking down on me. I'm her daughter, but I cannot compare to her. How I must be neat, cultured, polite, not raise my voice, wear a dress a corset, softspoken not to fight…" I listed in a counting voice. The elf smiled wryly.

"I know. You've told me before. It can't be worse than what happened back there."

"Sorry. Did you ride here? Tired?" I noticed he had removed his heavy armor and his arms were sleeved by a dark shirt. So he could endure some touch.

"Nope, I couldn't wait anymore. Went to every possible place, and if I didn't see you here, I don't know. Never mind. How messy, exactly?" Fenris said.

"I unpacked my weapons, um not sure. And no more servants, I'd set them free. That was Main Fight 1. I couldn't stand her yelling, and she told me not to give a defiant look and to stand where I am. But I walked away."

"Umhm. I'm proud of you, squirt. You care for other servants and slaves, always have. Those were perhaps foolish moments. She doesn't look down on you, Sabriel." He reasoned, ears pricking forward. "Could have waited for one of us, or Aveline, Alistair to help you with that. Maybe she thought, why an empty house? Sudden." His eyes widened and his tone became lively.

I was astonished by his calm insight. Didn't consider those before. "And Zevran, we were speaking and next moment he coughed until he bled. Hard to get healers, Is he going to be alright?" I asked to stall time. Didn't want to talk about my wild magic yet. He scowled but his anger was not much.

"That one is dumb, bleeding not stopped. Lung infection, wants to run outside. What a child. Wanted to hit him." He flicked at the hay.

I laughed. He grumbled. "Oh has Zevran always been so? How did you meet? Has been a while since eh?"

Fenris nodded. "And I will come to it. Now, when did you have this, effect? Magic? Is it like mine?" He was thrilled and worried at once. I closed my eyes, went way back to something only I remembered with clarity (because my friend's lyrium state doesn't let him remember much when it's too far)

"Once, when you came to rescue me. With another guard, or friend. You were outnumbered. I was tied up to my mouth, and then the bastards, stabbed you. Or hit with spells. Somehow, this… gushed out of me seeing that, and burned off my ropes. My hands were gold and white. A man screamed and tried to catch my hair but he vanished in white light. I…I was shocked. The place was not scorched, only where the man had been. "

Elf rubbed his chin. "Can't picture it, I guess it was a good thing. Was it red fire, or mana fire? How did it look like?" He meant the different elements that wizards used (mana-fire)

"I'm not sure. You think.. of abominations, don't you Fenris? So, I was near the templars one day asked Alistair. He thought it's like, a Cleansing type of templar magic… " He shook his head and took my hand gently.

"No you're not. Those people harmed me. If I hated you, why would I be so worried?" I said what if I couldn't control it?

"I could've shot Zev. Or the servants."

"Sabriel, you didn't. I trust Alistair can help. He told me a bit just now. Blasting Arainai might do him some good." He deadpanned. Huh? Then I got it, Fenris was joking. "I shouldn't judge you. When I was being an asshole and bitter, you were really kind. But couldn't bring myself to say much."

For the first time, Fenris told me in more detail of how the lyrium burning was done, so excruciating that he knew nothing before he escaped from tevinters. He found that being grabbed by the arm or touched was aversive. That's why most of the time he wore the iron gauntlets. Recently, he had some clothes made of a fabric that protected his skin sensitivity.

Then, Zevran…. "Oh! Cool."

He tapped my forehead. "Huh so you fell asleep until want to hear about him. Come on. It's late." He helped me to my feet. I took my bow and followed the warrior out. He said we could take the house near here, which used to belong to the Champion.


	4. Brief history of Ghosting

` Chap 4 Etiquette LOL or A brief history of Ghosting

_True love can wait (David Tao and Tanya) _

_In the end will there just be both of us left? Is it we have no chemistry_

_Why is there no answer to being lonely? I believe happiness will one day come knocking. Meanwhile I'll be watching the world go by, peacefully and ask for true love to wait for me._

Thought it's such a fitting theme! So I translate it here

* * *

We slept comfortably till late morning. I rolled over and almost fell off the bed. Snoring, the pale haired elf looked tanned and peaceful. I smiled, nice to watch Fenris

having a lie-in. It was the best solution to being worn out, sometimes he still got nightmares.

I carefully got up to use the bathroom and met some neighbours who offered to share their food with us. Last night, as Uncle had keys we had not needed to announce our arrival. However, one of the men had been shocked by Fenris' markings and exotic looks. Thank goodness he hadn't brought his sword which'd have caused a major panic. I assured them he is a harmless,friendly elf and tried to ignore their probing. So I persuaded them not to eject us before filling our tummies.

When I came back upstairs, Fenris had awoken. I told him the great news. His reaction to my speech was: "Huh you told them I'm harmless? Not bad. I shall endeavour to smile."

Over breakfast, I was brimming with more questions. "And then? Was it a templar who helped you?" I helped him to spread some jam on the slice of bread. His fingers were aching, but his mood was stable.

"Let's see, I think the templars came in much later. It's fine, no need that much. " Fenris flexed his fingers and winced. The markings affected the nerves, so today I thought it best not to touch him. "Thanks."

Mrs Bobbins one of the women had invited us to sit at the refectory. I could count the number of stares at Fenris.

"No problem. I just want more story."

He sighed. "I shouldn't have began. It won't be in order, maybe you can try to imagine it. My… descriptions won't be much. Er, I remember a village with an old medicinal man. Running around made me hungry so I was stealing food. Some were angry so I couldn't stay. He gave me a type of, necklace with feathers. Strange thing is I couldn't understand what he said, but I accepted and wore it. He traced the tattoos on my arms but his touch did not cause pain. It's supposed to ease the discomfort." Fenris said slowly in his steady voice. He tilted his head at someone who waved at him.

"Oh I've seen that, I think! Awesome! Such a kind guy." I savored the soup and dipped my spoon watching the ripples.

His face softened and his gaze was distant. "I don't want to lose it, so unless the pain is terrible, I don't wear it. I never got a chance to thank him. Few kind people, if only there are more in the world." He imitated me stirring the soup.

"There's me and Alistair. Zevran too." Fair enough, I didn't know the other elf so well yet but he had good vibes. Though they often verbally sparred, had shared a little friendship.

He smiled and the lingering pain faded. "Of course. You. So chatty, friendly, brave and enjoys sharing food. Um, this is nice. What about you?"

I sucked my spoon. "Eh? Me, no other stuff. Feel better? I've never heard you speak this much before, Fen."

When he was losing his temper, he would correct me shortening his name but today he ignored. "Oh I had no idea you do art. Zevran told me."

I blushed. "Well, they're for fun. I had some paper and watched others outside a building and just imitated them. I couldn't pass the entrance tests for the selection though."

"I didn't see them all. But, don't give up. Keep trying."

"I won't. Thanks. Why can't he, keep secrets?" I wished I could rough him up. Yep, shall visualize that.

Fenris smiled. "He can't really. I don't mind if you show me stuff like that. Stops me from.. brooding."

Varric had said that. "Can we call you broody?"

"What? No. Not unless I ground you. For a month." Fenris was delighted with the idea.

"Fine. I don't mind. I can stay all day."

"I shall chain you to the bed."

We laughed at the same time. I liked to make the brooding elf laugh, it was a melodious welcoming sound. He was not too uncomfortable with the curiosity when some came to make small talk. Still, Fenris said he preferred to leave soon.

Fenris decided to take the day off. I don't think they would be able to protest anyway. I joked about the consequences. Zevran was up and this time he had dressed in two layers. I managed not to weep though I was touched by his genuine concern for us.

While joking around, Zev said "I can show you how to be a lady, my darling." He winked and kissed my hand.

Fenris agreed, smiling but not speaking much. "Hey you want to go and lie down?" I said, noticing he still winced when he walked.

"Yea you look like crap, seriously." Zev remarked.

"I'm fine. What kind of etiquette do you mean?" Fenris asked, playfully punching his shoulder. They laughed. Zev said he was well versed in nobility behaviour, having become a woman cross dresser on some missions. Wow! Yea with makeup I bet he can carry it off and I don't doubt he's an actor of many roles.

He suggested beginning with tactful ways of speaking to assess what was my level.

Roleplaying, with my cursing:

Zev: alright, I'm in need of a favour. And you're my friend, Sabriel. How do you decline?

Me: No way. I've done so much. What more do you want?

Zev: Hey I'm your _friend. _That's quite crude. Is that your real answer?

I was laughing too much at his indignance. Ok, at least I didn't say fuck off. Wait what sort of favour? Can it be done?

Zev: just assume it is easy. Hm it's gonna be tough. No wonder she would shout at you. Shall we aim to change that?

Me: yep I still like being like a guy. But, I can change a bit when I'm with Mother. And at feasts. The last time, I almost kneed someone in the groin.

Both tried not to guffaw. Zev: why? In your skirt too?

Fen: I think they either insulted me or her family. I understand but doing that in front of a crowd, was quite hard to manage. Prejudice won't change. Also you tore the dress.

Me: But I won't have them label you rudely. You're like my family, uncle.

Zev: You can defend him. It's so sweet. Maybe you can say, shall we talk about this outside? Then you do whatever you wish. Aw, but your dress will be hard to do that in, no?

Me: Umhm. Ok lemme try again. I will think about it, and answer when I can. Better?

Zev: Yea good. See, you are capable of talking gently. And if I insist? Like, I really need money now.

Me: ooh. Sorry I can't. But I'll find someone who can. Haha

Zev: then apologising though you don't feel like it. Maybe you could work on it. So, you've messed up my place.

Me: But I don't feel sorry. Won't it be obvious? I mean, especially when I'm glaring and feel like shouting back.

Zev: They might. But not if you look sincere. Inside you can cuss, swear everything but not let it pass your lips. That'd be much nicer, less screaming, no?

Me: Yea. Shall I offer to clear some of it? But I don't want to do it all.

Fenris chuckled, hair falling in his eyes.

Zev: Sure, it's like you partly agree, partly not. It's true you're angry, I am too if I'm shouted at. Ah, I reply in a sarcastic manner. Gotta admit, that's not perfect too.

Me: like how so?

(pause) Okay one time I was being ridiculed for being the most failed assassin of the Grey Warden. I did help in the Blight. My original task was to finish off the whole group of heroes, sadly my allies were useless bums. Alistair and Morrigan a witch were always goading I must be hiding something, and ready to poison their food in camp. I was like, oh really? As if a crow has no common sense, to turn on the saviors right away. I made fun of them too.

Me: Aww, yea. I don't know how to be sarcastic though, more like right out blunt. Coz I mix with warriors.

Fen: don't look at me. I tried to stop you from spouting nonsense. (now he lay down more comfortably)

Zev: Right. Sarcasm and insults are the first reactions, what you want to say. But imagine you truly need the person to be happy with and about you. It doesn't have to be long and boring.

Me: Oh yea. Like how you said it, when I was frightened. Were u sorry then, Zev?

The rogue was still beaming, yet in those eyes he meant them. I shouldn't disappoint him. "Thank you. Would you mind being my etiquette teacher? Though, may not be paid."

Zev laughed. "It's fine, you've let me stay here. And I'm still weak. But it means you're obliged should I get into some… ah…" I said 'shit'? "That's bad. I certainly do Not want to be in shit or crap. Remember your status."

Now that Fenris had fallen asleep, we lowered our voices and Zev told me more stories from his experience. Midway through, I took both of his hands. He smiled and tugged me to sit down. "I do not mind helping you, it all comes naturally to me. And Fenris, will he ever let me get closer to him?"

It had not been easy, all I could do was not to force the reticent warrior to open up but patiently wait for him. "Zev, it wasn't easy for him to get better. And when he is reminded of the pain he suffered,when he witnesses slavery and shit, it comes back. It's best not to, rush him." I debated whether to be honest about my worries if they did get together. The other guys who worked with Fenris before, said he had loved Hawke, the female Champion but an accident had killed her. He must have been devastated and not want to risk his heart broken again.

The other elf waved his fingers in front of my eyes. "What is it? You're thinking a lot."

"Other stuff happened after Orsino and the bad Knight commander were defeated. It's not my place to tell you," I said at last. Zevran's ears pricked, his gaze becoming distant. "We all start as friends first… why don't we spend more time together? I don't know how to put this kindly, Fenris only loved that Hawke and he once told me, it's too risky to fall in love again."


	5. Of the Crow and wolf

Chap 5 Of The Crow and the wolf

Zevran refused to be an invalid, so this evening, he was showing Fenris and Sabriel how to lay out silvenware and the cutlery positions. When he had built up his stamina, he intended to speak to the other Crows who'd survived the attack and investigate what exactly happened. He corresponded with Alistair because Fenris was handling other cases of crime. Alistair had stepped down as king and was currently head of the Ferelden Templars based here. The doorbell rang.

Sabriel asked where and how he learnt these skills, which he liked to show off. As they were occupied, only Fenris went to receive the guest. "How are you? Let me know if you're not sleeping enough. You work harder than the rest of us," Aveline said. She was decked out in full military gear, red hair loose today.

"I'm fine, sometimes it's tiring but good to see you." Fenris said smiling and shaking her hand, and she had news to share while they walked in.

Sabriel looked up. "Oh she's here. Aveline. Er, we haven't exactly told her about you. Why don't you come inside for a while?" She tugged his hand, toward the guest rooms.

Zevran did not move. "No, I have nothing to hide."

Calmly he turned around, to meet steely green eyes. He smiled.

"Hey Auntie! We're about to start dinner. This is Zevran."

He used one of his sexiest voices to introduce himself with a flourish. Aveline speared him with a glare. " So, the infamous Antivan Zevran. " she responded dryly.

"Thank you for your utmost concern. Though I'm not infamous. I would rather say handsome and charming."

Sabriel glanced at Fenris, who shrugged. "Can we all be friends here? He's still recovering from injury, and a great help with my…manners and stuff."

"Yes, that's correct. For now he's not in a condition to stay in prison." Fenris suggested.

Zevran frowned. "Why am I to go there? _I've_ been assaulted, and I almost died!" He lost his patience and his full accent emerged. An argument ensued, for Aveline was not known to be patient. Fenris interjected with some points, but Zevran barely registered them. He punctuated his concerns with more yes and nos. With lovers and friends this was an endearing trademark but now he was frustrated and on edge.

Sabriel tried to steer the topic to the varieties of food as they were served.

As Aveline settled down, her mood eased. She said they would be investigating the matter, but it was because of his Crow status. Zevran frowned. "Ex-Crow, how many times do I need to repeat that? Have you considered maybe They are the aggressors, yes? I thought this is a fair system, no?"

Aveline went into the complicated procedures and reports they had to do. Fenris did not look directly at him and seemed to be listening. With great difficulty, the blond held his tongue though his ears were hot with humiliation.

The teenager nudged him and said softly, "Don't worry, Zev. I won't let her do that. You're not evil."

He smiled sadly. These templar-people were a stick in the mud, rigid with authority.

Assassins were the very opposite of whom they would support. How could Fenris be so cruel and cold hearted to agree with the woman? As the women moved onto other matters, both men fell silent and focused on their plates.

After that, "Auntie, he's just got well. We did a lot to help him recover. He's not a bad person," Sabriel vouched for him. At least he had made one friend in this house, and it was surprising who rooted for him, the underdog. After a long discussion, Aveline said she had not meant to be condescending but Zevran should not be venturing out without escort. He felt as if he were a little elf again being bartered. _Fenris still does not trust me? I've not lifted a single knife or poison to hurt them. _He could not help fixating on this and had to take deep breaths to calm himself.

Fenris walked beside him when he decided to head upstairs to retire early. "Why don't you trust me? I quit the Crows a long time ago, maybe they wanted to finish me off, yes?" He demanded, ignoring that Fenris was a dangerous person to piss off.

The warrior was calm. "It is not that. We will protect you. However we're not in a beneficial position if we make it public you're here. So Aveline worries."

Zevran scrutinized his face for some semblance of concern. "Did my friendship not mean much to you? We fought back to back, many times."

Fenris supported him as he stumbled on the stairs. He seemed to be thinking over, or not remembering. The Antivan shook his head in disbelief.

As Zev was preparing for bed, Fenris stood in the doorway and replied, "Yes. I did not expect her to visit, we planned to keep it down. Alistair said you had fought the darkspawn. That will be taken into account." He sounded neutral and dispassionate.

"Fine. I hear you. Now can I be alone?" Zevran snapped without facing him. Every injury that he had sustained recently seemed to conspire against his weary body now.

The healers had cautioned against being agitated. Oh but did they really care?

Fenris said he was sorry.

"Braska! " Zev muttered as he massaged his temples. So what if he was not perfect?

Sabriel

I couldn't believe Auntie was prejudiced because of Zevran's previous status. And it's terrible for him to get so worked up. He had lost his memory of what had transpired before he collapsed here, but he is not a bad person. I sense it and I'm not wrong. He had assisted Alistair and the Grey Wardens. Zev had stopped being a member of the Crows, I thought? They can't possibly send him away, not now when I am building a rapport!

When Fenris passed my room, and Aveline was seeing me in my new dress, I told them to reconsider. They looked at each other and seemed to reach a common understanding.

I heaved a sigh of relief. "I don't understand. It's politics right?" That always made me feel bored and sleepy. Fenris smiled.

"Yes. You look nice. I don't want our efforts to go to waste, after nursing him back to health, Aveline. If he stays unseen there shouldn't be a problem?" he asked her.

She said she was worried they would be perceived as shielding a Crow from justice. In the end we decided as long as Zevran cooperated with investigations when he felt better, he should be fine. But for now he had to remain unseen by the public. When Fenris tucked me in bed, I asked if he still cared for the assassin. He said it was complicated and left quickly.

Few days after, we had put this matter behind us. I was looking at my friend's invite to the Alienage (but wasn't allowed to go) while doing homework. Because some lady elf but I forgot her name, was a blood mage? Fenris had dragged me away from her.

Someone knocked on the door, so I crumpled it and stuffed inside my textbook. "Yea? What."

"It's me. Are you dressed? Want to talk," Fenris said, sounding quite merry.

"Just a moment." I had to cover my really short underwear, as it was quite hot these days I never wore much at home. Didn't know he was home early. "Okay. Come in."

The tall elf had combed his pale hair, wearing a dark robe with a high collar. It was unbuttoned and exposed some of his markings and muscles. I gaped.

Zev peeked in from behind. "Wow, pretty chic"

I laughed. This meant they had made up? Fen cleared his throat as Zev flirted with me. "I cooked a small meal, with his help. Would you like to join us?" Wow, of course! He let me adjust his sash and feel the shimmery material. He hugged me briefly. And the shorter assassin wore a red waist coat with gold trimmings.

"Can't wait. This is a first." We headed downstairs together. The table had been set with candles, some orange dessert in a prominent place while a few other dishes were laid out. Zev added, "I decorated and fried the bacon. He didn't want to let me can you imagine?" He shook his head.

Fenris was amused. "No, more worried you might be burnt. You'd never cooked on our travels." I thought it was a smirk, but he still looked like hot elf.

"I did! You were just eating and not asking who did."

I wanted to check if they were going to quarrel. That day had not gone too well, and though I'm no expert, I knew Zev had been angry and upset. The blond rewarded me with a beam. "Yes we've talked about it. I'm going to be useful so no one will kick me on the street."

Fenris interrupted and urged me to try the food. "Which one is yours?" I asked. He indicated one of the bigger plates.

"The egg, omelettes. I know they're your favourite. It's with herbs this time." To Zev he said something in elvish in a jesting way. While I sampled a bit of all, I remembered he was still weak.  
"Did you expend a lot of energy? I know it's draining to cook. You're back early, Fenris." I wondered.

"My thanks. I was resting and reading recipe books in my room. Just bursting to try them!" Zev spoke in his lively voice.

"No I didn't go out today. It was quite nice, cooking." My guardian began eating too. The orange dessert had not risen properly in the oven, and at first they were about to give up after four tries. As they modestly described, my eyes filled with tears- _two Elves who want to cook for me, I love them so much! _ Good thing they did not notice that I was sentimental and I praised them how delicious they were.

"If they are inedible, please do not force yourself. This is my first time." Uncle was worried and pricked one ear.

"I'll eat everything. Can't let it go to waste." While Zevran chatted with him in elvish, I was imagining them as their totem animals- Crow and the Wolf. I tried it out and wow it was so nice like a title. Both elves looked up astonished.

"Hey Zev, why do they call it Crow? As in the bird?"

"Oh crows are in a flock no? That's the idea, in a manner of speaking… everyone has own goals but need to work together on some missions. Not all wish to let his brother or sister be better than himself. The birds also do this, they eat their own share then call for the rest."

I was apparently his most willing audience. The others had told him to shut up or wanted to go to sleep when he explained these stuff. Fenris uncorked a bottle of red wine and filled their glasses. Mine was a fruit juice. "And Fenris, you're the Great Wolf. Some myths have it as an immortal destroyer, but I think you're really noble and graceful." I was visualizing him training, hefting a twohanded weapon but not in a cumbersome way.

Some of the lyrium markings swirled on his hand as he was listening to me. Zev gasped, not seen that before. Fenris concentrated on his glass, and it stopped swirling, before he responded, "Ah I see. Not always, I've bad days. Such a sweet tongue. Then what about you? What animal would you like to be?"

"Wow I've many. For now, hmm I wanna be a cat. A panther. Because it's independent and free."

Zev lifted his glass beaming. "So the Crow, Great Wolf and Panther! Awesome, no? Yes." We laughed and toasted to that. Then he wanted to know more of Fenris' magic, which the warrior explained neutrally.


	6. Sundermount

"Fenris, I was thinking we could do this more often. We have such a wonderful partnership, right?" Zevran suggested optimistically, taking a bite of baked fish. He made everything seem easy and graceful. One day when I had come home early, the Antivan wanted me to balance a book on my head, holding it awhile. Then as my footwork improved, I should be able to do it naturally. Regular practice can improve my feminine elegance. His patience with me far outshone my instructors at both the Chantry and the academy. Perhaps memories were hurtful, but Zevran didn't mind talking about them.

Fenris replied, "If I'm not exhausted bashing people, perhaps. Yes, I suppose not bad. I always wondered where you vanished to when I did the actual attacks. I'm remembering flashes, did we go into the forest?"

"Hurrah you remember! Sabriel keen to know our story? But you can tell it, Fenris. I'm thirsty." He picked up his wineglass.

The tall elf smiled shyly."I'm not fantastic at tales. We were going on a diplomatic mission to Sundermount, with Merill. Zevran has dalish blood and so does she. I didn't take it too well, not really a forest person. Merill went because she can speak fluently but didn't know how to track paths. Rather unusual that I let them lead. Did I get it right?"

"Yea that girl mage was hopelessly talking. What is the saying- ahhh head in the clouds. I looked out for danger and stopped them walking into mudpools, traps and all those gross stuff. He didn't like her much. Because of…"

Oh that was her name! The petite doe-eyed green clothed lady and short black hair… Fenris caught my glance, probably reminded of the day I met the female elf who invited me to her home in the Alienage. She had not been carrying a staff so I had no idea of her identity. "Perhaps you're new to this Zevran, but I loath blood mages. Magic cannot be trusted." His voice was quiet, but sliced through the air.

But can't I talk to her? Did he need to snap at me, and drag me away from her? I had been cringing from Fenris' lecturing that afternoon, in the busy streets of the Alienage. His grip had hurt tremendously, as if he had forgotten about my welfare. When we got home, I had locked myself in the library and refused to talk to him for two days. Fenris had been very vocal even through the thick doors about what kind of company I shouldn't be keeping. I found it difficult to forgive him.

Fenris seemed to sense my moodswing, from the hurt reflected in his face. I looked at the orange jelly and cut a piece.

Thankfully Zevran stopped us from brooding in that direction. "Alright yes so where was I? Long trek up to the main clans, and there are many many little clan villages along the way. Merill wanted to explain every single painful detail, from which statue is which god. I could tolerate it only just a second longer than our dear Elf here….

While he narrated the tale, I asked some questions able to picture everything that he meant. I think he can be the city's official story teller or maybe release a book of adventures! "I am quite a good listener, but tales of history is boring when there're so many things to take care of in the jungle. Felt so hot and sweaty, I craved for any open water." Zevran rose and fussed with the flowers.

"So you couldn't stand her either? She… is friendly. When I talked to her for maybe few seconds." I said carefully. Fenris did not object and sighed.

"No no she's adorable, haha until she asks me why are you Dalish, why did you not stay in the forest, how did your mother abandon you aw poor kitty. That's not good for ego, yes? Let's not think about the magic part, I know nothing much and prefer to keep it that way, yes?" He had come closer to me now and offered to refill my cup with the fruit juice. While doing that, Zev didn't have problem continuing to chat. I answered yup to all. Being Dalish or not didn't matter as the clans saw the men as outsiders. No doubt that Fenris looked like a strange person to them... So their mission was almost jeopardized by prejudice and superstition. Humans to them were shemlen, a lower caste. I thought it must be really tough to be friendly to them.

"I only knew one pathetic phrase- ma sarennas which is thank you. Fenris was restraining his ability to the maximum. Don't know how we managed to communicate, some keepers simply had no taste in our unusual talented physiques. But at the very least, could sleep in the safety of the encampment and resupply. I bought some fine weapons."

Then I wondered if the mission of goodwill had ended nicely. It would be such a huge wastage of stamina and effort.

"I forgot... Fenris did we succeed or not?" The blond chuckled, turning to him.

"We made it out somehow. Lots of giant spiders and lizards to fight. Overpopulation. I didn't care to listen to them, until they translated. They were both depending on me cleaving all those bastards, " Fenris failed to suppress his low husky laugh.

"Hey I did hack at them. Assassins cannot survive frontal assault, it needs subtlety, precision. Wow my daggers almost corroded from the strong acid from spiders. I didn't need to use any toxins for a month."

I gaped. "Cool! Oh yea you can work in tandem together, your sneak attacks, Fenris doing the frontal assault and Merill, she helped?"

They nodded, agreeing she used some conventional spells to back them up. Luckily they were not severely wounded, she was no expert healer. "I had some bites and got some fever, I believe. Much as I wanted to leave quicker, I had to lie down."

I nodded sympathetically, my heart softening. "That's true, Fenris if tired got to rest. No one is immune to poison. Zev were you hurt?"

He put an arm around me. "Perhaps being part dalish came in useful. My wounds healed quicker. Merill panicked and ran back to camp to ask for advice. You're Too Kind, milady. "

I blushed and as his hand didn't move from my shoulder, I touched him. Where was Fenris' home then? At the same time as I wondered, a maid servant supplied the answer Seheron. Fenris frowned as she took our empty dishes and went off.

When we were sated, I thanked them for the story. I hoped to avoid discussing about the incident and planned to rush upstairs. But Fenris had moved quickly to intercept me, maybe I had been distracted by the maids laughing with Zev.

"I… er, did your hand hurt? I am sorry." He started examining my hand.

I wanted to summon some just anger, but it failed to come. No idea what to respond without triggering another of his emotional outbursts and no matter how much we all empathised, if Fenris could not and would not move on, must he also stop me from talking to anyone who's into magic? It's not that I couldn't forgive him, but the reasons...

"You didn't know about her. I shouldn't have taken my anger out like that. But I thought the worst and, the Alienage is not a safe place. Do you understand?" He

My internal self retorted so what. Please don't talk anymore.

I could not bear to look directly at him, yet Fenris' voice and gaze seemed to sear. I was halfway up the stairs. Yet he went on quickly, " I'm probably not the best with words. But, I can't let this pass, without at least trying. Sabriel are you angry? "

I stopped, my hand on the railing. "Yea I was. Fenris, she didn't tell me about magic. It was just normal... things. I want to forget it ever happened. " Then I continued until I reached the second floor. When I turned, he was standing in the middle of the landing, head down.

I thought we're on the same level of understanding? After a pause "I see. I hope you liked what we made." The elf replied and flashed a faint smile.

"Definitely. Hey don't be so broody. I feel like using my staff to hit you," I folded my arms in my coolest poise.

Fenris shook his head and closed the distance between us. "Really? Dream on, I can phase through anything. How dare you. " He scowled, but his lips quirked. Well, I couldn't stay mad on such a perfect night after all.

I opened the paper and was astounded by Zevran's calligraphic script!

Dear Sabriel mi amiga,

My name is spelt Zevran Arainai. But it is no problem however you spell. I'm so touched you took the time to draw me this beautiful exquisite art! A friend gave me some Dalish gloves but sadly I lost them. Nobody wrote me letters unless they needed my services. I'm glad you will start to believe more in yourself, Sabriel. I'm useless with art, worse than a small kid.

Right now I can't buy you a gift yet. It's customary for Elves to give something in return. Was in a bad mood that day, should I have tried to be polite to Avalene? How to spell that? Hm Fenris said hers is a strong man's name. How about yours?

Ma Serannas for everything. That's thank you. If you like, we can write short notes, yes? I'm quite free.

Sincerely, Zevran

The next day when I awoke, a container of bruise-healing salve was on my desk. Illegible scrawl of a short sentence, and Fenris' signature. I screwed open the cap and inhaled the delicious scent. The bruise was not visible anymore on my left wrist. A bit of smarting so I tried some. I guess Fen did not realise the full extent of his power when he got mad. I Made a point to compromise next time. I admire his simple gestures, even if it is blunt...

Then when Zev called me, I almost dropped it.

"Ah no wonder he asked me how to spell some words." He grinned, popping in.

"Oi stop doing that, sneaking thing!" I gasped. He pointed to himself and looked innocent. Then he slipped out and closed the door. As I brushed my hair, I remembered his letter and my heart melted. When I was dressed in my favorite blue robe and slippers, I came out. The blond elf was leaning on the balustrade and watching the servants' bustle.

"Good morning. Sorry about that, had a shock... You've such awesome handwriting." I stood beside him.

"No it is I who should be apologizing. Bad habit of an Assassin. " He replied, not staring at me.

"Will be nice to learn from each other, no? I wish to do art like that."

"Of course." Shyly, I put my arm around his waist. He kissed my forehead.


	7. Secret of Rinna

**Secret of Rinna**

Watched repeat vids of Zevran's last mission / most people=Antiva with Spanish

_This dawn, I did not dream about how Fenris rescued me and my untamed powers, like I normally did. But someone talking about Rinna. The same voice had spooked me when we were having dinner but I thought it had been my hallucination. Sensual, feminine yet not completely… My dreams of the past are usually vivid, though I don't wake up screaming and in a sweat. So I'd never shared about these to stop them worrying. I couldn't see in the mists and called out who are you. The person paused and spidery fingers caressed my forehead. _

_She sobbed. I squinted but still could not see any solid person. Never tried talking in the Fade before, was it an evil demon? 'Who are you?'_

_ Rinna_

_ why have you not gone to the light yet?_

_ Resounding silence. Spirits don't rest because they are seeking someone, I remembered a Chantry verse. 'Do you search for someone?' I immediately thought could be Fenris? But he would never consort with demons… _

_In the distance there was a crack of something against a cheek, plea for mercy, for love, and then her anguish as Rinna the spirit answered me._

_What? _I allowed my eyes to adjust to my familiar room and darkness. She had shown a bracelet of red petals and repeated his name… Then I was so tired that I went back to sleep again.

It was almost lunchtime when I walked by the weapons-room. The former Crow was examining them. I asked him who is Rinna harmlessly. It should have been.

Zevran stiffened. The sword he had been holding clattered loudly. "What? How did you know that?" Colour drained from his face so rapidly as he raised his voice. "I've never told anyone for years!" The elf snapped. His lashout was so defensive that I hesitated.

I was still bleary from sleep and didn't understand such strong emotion. He ran his shaking hand through his golden hair and crouched down beside the sword. Zevran did not gasp as he picked it by the blade. His red fluid ran freely but he was transfixed by something else and didn't even notice me calling the servants to grab a cloth.

They had told me he had a fiery temper but he had always kept it in check, always polite to us. Two servants came and spoke to him softly. Zevran had silent tears tracking down his cheeks. He let them clean up and I apologized, holding a cloth around his cut right hand.

"Zev? Want something warm to drink? Come on." He did not answer, and let me bring him to a room we usually reserved for guests. Oh shit what'd I caused now? Even though there were chairs, the Antivan did not move to sit and I continued keeping pressure on the wound. I guided him to a chair.

A warm cup of Kirkwall tea was set on the table.

Mary, one of the servants he always spoke to, called him until he finally looked up. She was a mousy half-elf without pointed ears and they usually spoke local dialect. I could only hear his name and the rest was that.

He shook his head and moved his hurt hand from my grip. Hair concealed his face as he clasped his hands on his lap. I bit my lip.

Mary and I looked at each other, and she whispered what's wrong. I shrugged and asked if there was any mail and did Fenris leave any messages? My guardian usually roused earlier than me even if he had no work, to train at a secluded location. The way Fenris shows he loves me is this personal space, he never interrupted my sleep and if there was anything urgent, he entrusted messages to Mary. We spoke for a while, wondering if Zev would recover his usual self.

In unison, we both laid our hands on his back. Zevran sighed deeply and huskily said, "I am… alright now. Thank you."

"Sure then I'll be going to do chores. Master Fenris says he will be back earlier today and to do homework." She chuckled. I smiled and moved to leave as well.

But he bade me to stay. "Sabriel. How, did you know about her?" His usually bright honey colored eyes were glassy and his voice was frail. Only Zev could still look graceful with undried tears.

"I'm sorry, I had no idea…"

"Stop!" he snapped, semblance of fragility broken. I slipped one hand to my belt where my spare knife was. He rubbed his forehead and said, "I mean, tell me how. Do not say sorry. Rinna… was someone very precious to me." Acute pain crossed his handsome features.

"I will. Drink this first. Please." I offered him the almost cold tea. Zevran smiled faintly and accepted. "I heard a voice. That day at dinner, but it could have been a mistake. And we were happy, I didn't want it ruined. Last night, or morning, I dreamt of her calling for you…"

"Did you see her?" Zevran interrupted. His shoulders slumped when I shook my head.

I went into as much detail as possible but it was not enough for him, not until I said, "Before I woke, she said your name again and there was this… red bracelet of petals. You're very angry. I shouldn't have…" I wrung my hands.

"Don't be sorry. I am not angry, just very mixed up. She's… was my lover. I gave my everything to her, we were friends. Did she say anything about Taliesen?"

Lover? It sounded as if Rinna had been highly important to him, not like the casual sex Zevran liked to discuss. For the first time, I noticed the bone weariness and acute pain lacing his voice, ageing the elf.

Zevran talked about this murder of Rinna that a man Taliesen had done in front of him. He did not build a picture of how she was like, but I was certain she must have been perfect in his world. They had been in the same Crow-cell, to go out on missions. "Although I had not cut her throat, I hadn't believed her. She did not accept a bribe. The source was wrong. And I listened to Taliesen, when I Shouldn't have! Ah I was such a fool, an idiot. I really wanted death, and I tried to… you are, crying?"

He frowned as I rubbed my eyes. "Don't die, Zev." Zevran's fingers traced my face.

Then I hugged him without shyness, without restraint. Maybe Rinna had wanted me to. "You're not a fool and it's not what she would have wanted. Nor what we would want, there are many many people who worry and care _about you. _How can you not see? " Now my weakness was gone and my no nonsense self emerged.

But I did not let go until Zevran coughed. "Ah, I appreciate the care, but… I can't "

I glared at him, Aveline would be proud. "You… cried. For me?" He said softly.

Zev was getting depressed. "A lot of the time, I'm not… seeing that. Everyone wants me to shut up, that I'm unfaithful, lurid, irritating, a pest, a sinner. Maker can't count how many have died by me. I tried to forget, to be cold and evil. Sometimes it helped, sometimes no."

"You will answer to my fist if you keep on like this. Stop… trashing yourself! It's Normal, because we're not without conscience, emotions. I care, coz you're my friend, even if the world does not! You're a Real dumbass douche bag if you actually hurt yourself dammit! Rinna would… be happy you helped to fight the darkspawn… It was heroic, and crazy but good. Worthy." I wound down my tirade, remembering some of their tales.

Zevran closed his mouth and scowled. "Hey hey! Why are you cussing so much? Don't waste my effort to coach you. I… I get it. Calm down. Are you seriously going to hit me, eres me mejor amiga ?"

I shoved my hand back in my dress pocket. "Maybe. What's the word?"

The sunlight was back in his face. "It means you're my beloved friend too. Thank you for telling me about Rinna. Will you tell me, again if she comes in the Fade? Please?"


	8. Aren't we all but sinners

**Part 8: Aren't we all but Sinners?** (improved)

_-some Lelianna bashing. 3 Doors down- Behind those eyes_

* * *

Neither Zev nor Fenris like Mother Lelianna. She used to be a travelling companion with the Grey wardens, a bard with her title as Sister. I heard that she has become a Mother of the Chantry here now. It was Very boring to write my essay about how to be grateful to our Makers. After the Rinna issue had passed, Zevran just had a bandaged right hand none the worst for wear. At the moment, he was regaling me with stories about their adventures.

"So why not? Because not pretty enough, and sexy?" I beamed.

"No she was both. Red hair, bright blue eyes. Like a deer if I may say. Time may have changed that. (how he pronounced her name was simply unique and exotic) Lay-lea-na had been friendly enough, when I failed my mission. She did not mock me like Morrigan did."

"Who's that? Sorry I'm lost."

He smiled. "A witch. Hm, someone like a mage with more nature magic, shapeshifting. Lelianna asked about what I did, and when I told her, she condemned me. Ah you are Such a sinner Zevran! You must repent, the Maker will hear our prayers, forgive and love all thy enemies. Blah blah." His imitation had me in stitches.

"Aw you find it funny? I am wounded." He scowled handsomely, and clutched his chest as if he had been stabbed.

"No no. I think that sucks. We are All sinners. She killed people too didn't she?" I waved my hands in protest.

"Of course! I vaguely remember the darling was angry I mocked her visions. I said wow you are so funny when you're mad. Then next moment she said I am forgiven and we have much in common. Ah, the thrill of the hunt. That's before doing the actual slicing and murder." Zevran had a delicious cleverness to his voice and watched me doodle something.

"Yea I.. see. In our lesson we were discussing about not to judge others. You came and then left. Heheh." Being bored at home, and unable to train as his hand was hurt for now, Zev accompanied me to some lessons. He was intrigued by sexy boobs, and history, geography. He said I looked ravishing and kissed my hand, fluttering my heart.

"You are better today? Please, go easy on the alcohol. May have liver cancer." I scowled as he uncorked a bottle of wine.

He sipped a little. "Hm. What's that?" I begrudgingly gave him a mini lesson about the effects of over consuming wines and strong alcohol. That's what we cover in alchemy 101 and years ago, I had been terrified to find Fenris on the floor when I visited. He said he had a burning pain in his side. During the period of recovery, they confiscated all the wines in the cellar. It had been the only available drink left in this manor (which had been Danarius' the evil magister) and Fenris had no experience with the right nutrition. We all stayed vigil by his bedside as Varric, Anders and people forcefed and lectured him. In sulky defence, my Elf friend said slaves didn't know about those. I Anders diagnosed that it was not cancer, thank the Maker but stomach ulcers. We should not take wines and stuff without food!

Zevran accepted this and slotted it back into the shelf. "Don't worry. I still want to have more years to disturb and seduce women."

I shook my head in exasperation. Presently, he asked me did I mind that he was a sinner who'd slain many? "No you're not. As I've said before, I accept people. We've all done wrong."

He was about to answer but was distracted. Cocking his head, he beamed. "Ah he's home!" I had to come out of my room before I could hear servants speaking and the front doors closing. Fenris looked dishevelled, bruised, blood staining his armor. Unlike our guest, I decided not to go down just yet. Our arrangement is for him to bathe and have some quiet time on his own, then if he wants he will join me. I couldn't hear what they were saying. The tall elf leaned his sword against the wall, moving to remove his boots. (He used to run around barefooted with just a piece of leather which caused blisters and cuts. I think Aveline managed to cajole Uncle into protecting his feet at last haha)

I still didn't know what to write for the lousy essay so I read some notes. Fenris called me softly, my door was ajar. "Hello. Want to have dinner together, squirt?" He sounded really tired but pleased to be home.

"Ok! Let me finish up." I waved and smiled at my best friend. "Come in. Rest."

He gingerly sat on the side of my bed. "Good to be back. Don't rush. It was a difficult mission." He yawned.

"Fenris, sorry. Are you hurt?" I examined his countenance, no blood but a plaster to his forehead, uncombed white hair and he was absently massaging his leg. He smiled, green eyes twinkling.

"Here and there." We held hands, me being extra gentle not to cause pain.

"Oh, Zevran is going out. He asks if you want anything from the night market?"

What? But wasn't he supposed to keep low? "Let me talk to him first." My guardian sighed.

"Ah damn. Zev Zev!" I hollered. The smaller elf had dressed so quickly and strapped weapons to his belt. "You're going out, now? But it's late."

The Antivan continued preening himself in the hallway mirror. "Yes a short stroll. Would you like me to get you something, jewellery a night snack? I'm not a civilian."

I declined and wondered how I could stop him from going out.

From somewhere behind me, Fenris deadpanned, "Make sure you don't get hurt, Zevran. I don't Have enough stamina to chase more assholes and criminals tonight. Don't act like a child." No wonder he's named for a wolf, when he's upset and angry his voice becomes really low.

Since the other did not answer, Fenris said, "Do you hear me? Arainai."

"Yes yes Lord Fenris." Zevran beamed and opened the door. I scowled but waved back.

"Do not call me that!" The tall elf dropped into a chair and rubbed his face.

"So have you eaten? I'm worn out."

"I've asked Betty to make some food. Just now I did but I'm still hungry. Don't get up, let me bring it here." I stopped him from rising. Fenris smiled.

He wolfed down the roast chicken and everything else wiped clean in mere minutes. I ate brownies and a cup of camomile tea.

"That's all you're having? What are those?" Fenris indicated the brownies. I bade him to try one.

"Like cake, chocolate brownies. Thanks. Nice?" He agreed and licked his fingers. Then we washed up the dishes.

Later Fenris encouraged me for updates. He's awfully concerned for me, so I don't really mind if I never see my own father again.

"Today was about gratitude to the Maker. Zev knew Lelianna and he was arguing with her there's no god and so on. "

"Oh THE Lelianna." His tone was frosty.

"Why are you angry?" I wished I could change the subject. Fenris breathed hard and his knuckles were white pressed to the table.

"She stared at me, like I am a monster. The way she talked of Orlesian elves being serfs, that they are equally treated. She said these markings look beautiful. Where was the Maker when I suffered? Carved into my flesh, not by choice. " His cheeks flushed, brows furrowed.

I called his name, afraid by the consuming rage that might follow. The white veins on his throat were beginning to shimmer. I looked for a hiding place. Indeed why does God not intervene, why didn't he stop them from hurting Fenris? He must have been so scared and helpless.

I floundered for a subject change. None, but maybe…. "I know of your pain. She shouldn't talk so much about serfs and sinners. That's why Zevran didn't like her. You know, I will write that in my homework that I don't think gratitude is possible to the Maker when people are hurt but no justice is done."

Fenris stopped glowing and seemed to snap out of the anger. The feral glint in his emerald eyes was calming. "Zev asked me do I think he is a sinner? For taking lives." I said, relaxing.

"Really. What is your answer?" He picked up an apple and examined it.

"No I don't. Because we all have flaws, no one is perfect. Not even Lelianna, and she has killed too."

Fenris said, "As have I. Sorry, for frightening you. I meant, no one came to help me when I was tortured. After that were the countless beatings when I could not please _him. _Yet she and her group preach about loving the enemies, blessings and gratitude? For what? She compared her face painting which's nothing like mine." His voice was still bitter but calmer now.

"That's so… shitty of her. I'll talk back when she comes to my class."

He smiled, crossing his long legs. "Hey don't use that word. Wonder will the grade go down if you write like that? You don't need to prove it or say anything to hopeless people." As he ate the apple, he gently brushed my sleeve a signal that his sensitivity to touch is tolerable today. I opened my fantasy book and continued reading.

Hours flew by. Fenris had not gone upstairs, just leaned back on the sofa and fallen asleep. He can't sleep deeply, plagued by nightmares. The first times I stayed over, I was freaked out by his heartwrenching shouts and moaning. The night servants would stop me from running in to comfort him, because he didn't know what he was doing. If there were objects beside his bed, they would be smashed as his Lyrium state became active. In the darkness, Fenris had been illuminated and pale, thrashing and lashing out at imaginary demons and foes. Although I didn't mention I had seen him like that, eventually the warrior asked for sleep potions that reduced the intensity of nightmares.

Then he had helped me to shift my belongings to a room further down. _I hope I don't hurt you, don't wake me up suddenly all right? It's really important. He had reminded me countless times._ Fenris moaned softly now and I tensed. Then a most fleeting smile curved his lips. I wished the Maker could have done something at the time. He's a good elf.

I got a blanket and covered him. Then I crept to the dining table and continued reading by the fireplace. When my eyelids drooped, I gave up waiting for Zevran to come back and glanced to Fenris, who was stirring. He rubbed his neck. "Hey."

He noticed the blanket and cocked his head.

"Hello. Want to go upstairs?" I asked. Fenris folded it neatly and patted the couch.

"It's fine. What's that about? Not sleepy?" He rubbed his eyes.

I read him the beginning chapter and the elf listened peacefully, one ear tipping every few seconds. The fictitious characters were fearing each other's Gifts, powers. That seemed to remind Fenris of his life.

"Thank you for reading. Tell me, do you fear me? You can be… honest." He was focused intently on my forehead or perhaps I was too sleepy to see straight.

"Ah yea. How about in the day?" He agreed and carried me upstairs. I felt really safe in his arms, clasping my book.

"You're also my best friend. How would Zevran say it, mi amiga. Something like that." I think Fenris added. "I know that I instil fear in people." A note of sadness in his soft voice. He should not worry so much, I only meant I feared him when he got angry and wanted to kill. Otherwise, he had made so much progress and learned to control his powers and temper.

Some humming roused me. Eh was Zevran back? I saw a mop of white hair and asked if it was Fenris. "Yes?" He was still beside me, in a chair.

"Why didn't you go to bed? Nightmare?"

"No. Er, I wanted to… be like that person in that story. Watching over you." I could not tell if he was smiling.

"Oh. Haha, thanks Fen. I'm honored to be your friend and hope we can always be. What a nice voice by the way?"

"Same. I heard a tune somewhere…" He rose and said he would leave now. "Oh let's talk more in the morning. I'm taking some days off." I nodded and watched him pad softly out and his shadow blocked the hallway lights.


	9. Fenris' rescue, zev's letters

**Part 9 Fenris' Rescue, Endless Light & Zevran's Letter **

_The Rasmus: Lucifer's Angel *Ha some people seem to think they are super perfect. Rewritten the action scene. At least i'm original and not copying off people duh_

* * *

**Sabriel**

My dream flashbacks of what happened to me as a child repeated often but never did I wake up screaming, and my heart rate was normal when I dozed off to real sleep afterwards. No one should be worried about me, when it was not a prophetic sort of nightmare like Alistair about the Archdemon. I accepted it as natural and a reminder of how much Fenris means to me.

Now I decided to keep a record of each detail of this past, to retell should the occasion arise. That night I had only explained how I discovered my power, but not the regularity and the clarity of everything. Because I can't add another worry to Fenris' life, when he is just beginning to feel more optimistic.

They had come for me, in my old house. I was gagged and bound, dangling off the kidnapper's shoulder. Screaming and kicking as much as I could and satisfied that some of them cursed when my feet connected with faces. I could not hear properly what they said, after a purplish haze smothered my senses.

I blacked out and then heard some voices shouting to give up. I was still bounced vigorously and made out a figure with white hair and a longsword running to me. Then people blocked him. My groggy mind wondered, _is he the elf who won't talk to me?_Then I got tossed against a pillar, my head missing by an inch. Finally the world stopped moving, but my hands were still tied. Someone had also secured my ankles tightly. Shit! I think it was some kind of big room.

All were still fighting, clang of swords, grunts, the men in black against the uniformed guards, and… Fenris! It was the very first time I saw him become an incandescent blue glow, sweeping through some people. They dropped like flies, and retrieving the huge sword he cleaved at others. Uniformed guards were also being slaughtered.

My throat burned from screaming too much and I watched all the action. The good side seemed to be losing men, only Fenris and one man remained standing. But I just focused on the Lyrium elf who was still blue_. How did he do that? Metallic scent of blood filled my nostrils and I coughed._He was not barehanded but wearing the metal gloves, one of it darkened with wet fluid. He swept his sword in a warning arc, his lips moving and panting.

The blackshirts surrounding them were far too many. I yearned to call out his name, to ease the tension and exhaustion on his sweat-drenched face. The foes had evil- looking crossbows, like Uncle Varric's Bianca. Then Fenris cursed, an arrow embedding itself in his back! "Ah shit! How…" the remaining guard shouted, parrying someone's weapon clumsily. Their reflexes were slow.

Somehow the warrior remained standing, breaking my heart. Red had smeared on white hair andall over his face. His wild green eyes connected with mine and he mouthed my name. I shook my head hard, _don't come any closer! Turn back, please! You're hurt!_ But Fenris ignored my silent urges, grit his teeth and summoned some strength to stab someone with his gauntlet. At the same time, Fenris slashed others that charged carelessly from his left. Ring of steel and more blood.

Fenris did not take his eyes off my position but spoke something low and fierce. Suddenly my long hair was being grabbed a burning spike of agony, and I screamed. When the red haze left, something sharp was pressed to my neck.

"Tell Them to stop, or you die." The thick accented voice ordered me.

I attempted to but could barely breathe.

"Let her go, scumbag." Fenris growled, aiming the Greatsword at him. His voice was strong though his arm trembled.

The person cackled. "We don't see no money. And look, you're outnumbered. All of you will die here. Maybe if you produced some gold… " Once again, the asshole commanded me to speak. Beneath the vestiges of my petrifying fear, some force within me defied his threat: _How dare you command me? !_

"I am fine. Walk away," I said hoarsely, as Hot Rage sparked inside.

The knife near me shifted as they talked.

Fenris lowered his head, his grip slackening on his weapon. My friend's eartips were twitching. _Suffering, death, agony, must save them, damn this! Help me Maker!_

I jerked at the rope, furious with the tautness. Then some crossbows twanged and both men cried out. The human knelt, sobbing. Fenris closed his eyes and swayed on his feet, the sword clattering from numb fingers. Maybe they all thought he was doomed.

Every shot they fired fuelled the searing emotions. Don't they dare hurt him again!

In the split second when the Fury roared with the urge to be unleashed and my hands filled with golden flames, Fenris looked at me once and ripped the heart out from the speaker. Tossing it aside, he rushed past me. The ropes melted from the scorching tidal wave, causing some bloodcurdling screams. The nearest blackshirt had not run off and suddenly his evil smile was replaced by horror when I glared at him. My sight was engulfed in ivory and gold fire radiance _Yes take them all! Slay them for causing us pain! Protect Fenris It seemed to shout in glee and justice._

After that, it all died out and all I saw were smears of black around where I stood.

Faint sounds of groans and fighting were audible, I'm free. Where is… The elf came to me, his lyrium disabled. "Are you all right?" he asked breathlessly, but did not wait for an answer. It took a few tries before I managed a nod. Fenris told the man to follow and lifted me into his arms, and ran. Were people pursuing us? His armor smelled of metallic blood and sweat.

"You're bleeding, Fenris! Stop. You can't." Those crossbows, they had fired at him! Just now he had closed his eyes, before. What if he doesn't stop bleeding? "Put me down," I implored with my sore throat, touching his chest. However he did not hear me. Then after some time, the sensation of being bumped slowed. Fenris sounded awfully ragged and I felt him shaking.

He whispered something like if I was hurt and let go of me, collapsing in a heap. Arrows were embedded in him. _No, This is MY FAULT!_ Fenris lay on his side_. I repeated over and over : No I'm not hurt, Fenris don't die. I haven't thanked you enough… _The silver lyrium looked washed out on his pale and sweaty face. A little blood seeped from his lips. His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths.

I ignored the pain of the spiked gloves and held his hand. The shock of it sank in and I cried hard. Eventually somebody consoled me that it would be all right. My vision was blurred, though I made out they were in robes. The aroma of herbs and rosemary filled the air. A few of them chanted and blocked my view of the unconscious elf.

( At this I stopped writing, for my vision had clouded over and the page was damp. He barely knew me then and yet he risked his very life to… ) Someone managed to coax my hand to let go but I could not understand their language.

Then that survivor, with Fenris had come close and was pointing at me, pale and ranting something. The end of the flashback, I always woke up after it, the man's scared face etched firmly: red faced and brown hair, moustache.

I padded out, noticing Zev's room had a sliver of light. "Zevran? Are you sleeping?" I called then remembered his acute hearing. No need to be loud. He opened the door and smiled.

"Sabriel, hi. Eh you're not tired?" He pushed some hair from his face. I liked his honey-warm voice, always reassuring.

"Can, can I talk to you?" I let him hug me and invite me inside. Zevran lay across the bed, leaning on one elbow and I sat, telling him in a rush about the dream. Throughout, he did not say anything only raising his brows and sharp intakes of breath. "Did you… hear me scream just now? Sorry, if too noisy. I don't know if… "

Zev brushed my cheek, rolling the 'Rs' as he answered, "Always worrying if I'm affected. No I didn't. It's not at all your fault. Screaming is normal. Hm, but Fenris did two nights ago. I truly wanted to help, but the night servants, they stopped me. Said it's dangerous, it is?" He bit his lip and drummed his fingers on a leather bound book.

"Yes, very. It's better not to touch Fen, he's not aware and may kick or hit you. And that blue magic hurts. I found that it won't hurt me, not sure why." Hadn't Fenris taken sleeping draughts? Poor guy.

We were quiet for a while and I thought Zevran had dozed off. "Um then why aren't you sleeping?"

The bookcover said it was a history of kings in Fereldan.

His face was in shadow despite the table light. "Well, it's not unusual. Being an assassin, constantly alert. I tend to wait till really late before I lie down or I just cannot. Sometimes I talk to myself. Or drink Antivan brandy." He chuckled, lightening the topic and sounded unlike a killer at all. "Trust me, milady you look really worried. I am all ears."

His tanned hand with calluses covered mine. My heart grew lighter with his touch.

"I know. Thanks, Zevran. Fenris doesn't remember what happened. It's stressful. I mean, I've told him once but not how many times I dream. Has he… told you about Danarius? The magister that put the markings on him."

"Ah perhaps. It's hazy, only remember my time fighting alongside Alistair, and the darkspawn. So the nightmares about that guy?" I said a better word would be fiend. "Let's move on, my friend… Why did they catch you? For ransom?" Zevran moved closer to me.

His honey eyes reflected concern as he leaned forward. "I don't know… was very young then. After, the power didn't return until someone insulted my friends. I don't want to hurt innocent people, it was good that it protected us. But, I need to understand it."

Zev made no comment, just yawned. Oh, he must be worn out. "You do enjoy the history book eh? Haha, good night. Ma Serannas."

I stood up to go. "Welcome. Er, could you stay for awhile please?" Zevran implored.

"Sure. You afraid of the dark?"

"No I just want some.. companionship Sab." I wanted to correct him, but the elf's breathing deepened. Even if he is a sinner, I don't want to view him as evil and this mutual trust between us would blossom. The Antivan kept his promise about the Rinna dreams, which he brought up occasionally. Though Zev still had a lingering regret about this, he felt hopeful someday she would visit him in the Fade. I was working on that, but not to worry Fen with the supernatural aspect of this 'favour'.

On the good side, we also continued writing notes that unveiled his sincerity and his affection!

**Dear Zevran, **

**It's really nice to see your name and get it right! And really exciting to talk to another elf! My spelling on names sucks. You're very welcome. I wanted to make you that drawing. No trouble at all. Aunty Aveline means no harm, and I wish we had been able to introduce you in a better way. She's actually not a rash person, calmer than me. Fenris respects her a lot. Her sense of right and wrong are clear, though I am still talking to her about your good points Zev. I think, Aveline is named after a knight in Fereldan history. **

**Theré's a legend of another Aveline who disguised as a male to take part in Arena games. She had been adopted by the Dalish, got trained with their archery and so on. Not sure if you heard this tale… oh you're part Dalish. Am I wrong? **

**Is the lady elf really called Merry? Haha! I like the way you talk to us and it's comfortable. As in, you are not spiteful and proud. Some asses or fools talk so much without meaning. I don't understand how anyone can be angry and think poorly of you, when you're such a pro at everything. I think you're a steadfast and wise friend, Zevran.**

**Pro is our youth lingo for expert. ****J**** Ah I'm digressing so this will be much longer than the other note. Shall secretly smuggle this paper, when you're not looking. Fun! Wanna make it like a game?**

**Oh yes Fenris likes having you here with us. I'm sorry if he's not direct, cos he's quite shy. It took me almost six years, and after that incident, to have this closeness. Mainly, because those tattoos make his skin highly allergic on certain days, that's why we can't do prolonged hugs. I like matching fingers with him, which he suggested as a kind of love too. Give him time all right? **

**Will you be going back to Antiva, Zev? I will be sad if you do, please don't hesitate to tell us if you need any help. Hm I don't know what my name means. **

** Yours truly, Sabriel**

The next time, I received his heartfelt response bound with a red ribbon on my desk, beside it was a long stemmed rose, still with dewdrops. It was so sweet of Zev! When I had run upstairs today, past him, he had pretended not to notice anything. He would be at home most of the time, with barely enough sleep and not fully recovered internal injuries. They didn't let me know, but I saw Zevran taking another batch of herbs, very groggy on some days. The matters he helped with were translating and deciphering paperwork that Fenris, Aveline and the rest didn't have patience to go through. The Antivan got some rewards when they succeeded, I supposed.

I intended to start reading it right away, but Zevran persuaded me to have lunch with him, and our schedules had been different for the past week. (More on this later)

I was tickled by what he had wrote, and easily pictured his voice too:

_Dear Sabriel, I'm speechless by your nice words and really going to cry. Because you've touched something inside me, I thought was lost. I had to recopy the first page which got wet haha! Let's see, yup I'm part Dalish. I don't know much about them except they've very good reflexes, archers and my mother was one. She fell in love with my father a woodcutter. _

_You're quite observant and eloquent for one so young. I'm an elf, live longer than humans so it's a matter of experience. When you see me in the morning, don't be alarmed alright? I'm a bit stressed if you and Fenris will not recognize me. There's been some changes to my… appearance that would help with subtlety, then I'll be able to look more local. _

_The lady elf Merrill you mean? Merry is fine, close enough. I take it as no problem, she didn't correct me. Thank you for the Aveline story. No I have not heard of it yet, they don't respect women in the Arena? Did you mean in Fereldan? _

_I cannot imagine women being non warriors, the Dalish and Antivans include women in sparring and duels, and they are equally competent in the wars. Is that so, Aveline can be calm? True, I meant no disrespect, regret we could not have met on better terms. I would have apologized, but felt quite hurt and emotional. You are kind to vouch for me, Sabriel… will it land you in trouble? I would not want her to fall out with you. _

_No problem, I enjoy reading long letters. Not that I'm busy. I've not yet recovered, maybe you know. Being an assassin, it's not customary to show anyone how weak I am so I hardly admit. But we do live together, so I shouldn't scare people fainting and coughing blood, no? The lung infection has cleared, thank the Maker. _

[ at this part, I felt pity stirring for Zevran, that he still remains positive must be hard]

_Oh this question, how can anyone think poorly of me. But they mostly think so. Even the other Crows were jealous of me. Shall I repeat how many glares and scornful words came my way? But I don't want to sound pathetic, really. If you promise not to laugh, I can tell you more. Only the group's hound and the dwarves with the cart walked beside me, and guess where Zevran ranked? Too honest, I should've told them I'm from some other guild : ) I feel nothing like that with you and Fenris. He knows my past, and maybe you don't have the full understanding and prejudice of what my identity meant. Can I ask that we continue, without barriers? _

_My grasp of the human language is not so smooth. If you are unsure what I'm trying to express, I'll explain again. It's all good don't worry. When you're not rushing off somewhere and Fenris is free, can we spend the day together? The servants are fine, but they don't really count as friends. Or lovers haha. _

_The good in me, you think so? Wow such as? Please tell me! I am all ears. The healer said I should try to be calm and happy. He was angry that I quarrelled with Lelianna, braska how did he know? I like to curse Braska in my tongue, means shit. Good jest. _

_Yea I know you like my tales, my dear. I've many more but shall keep the best for the last. _

_Cannot wait to see you both when you're back. _

_Love (yes I mean it haha),_

_Zevran _


	10. Beneath the flawless skin

**Chap 10 Beneath the Flawless skin**

*****_inspired by rasmus' lyrics_

Zevran's hair was now cinnamon brown, his fringe trimmed shorter, his pointed ears peeking out from under a braid. He had chosen to wear one of Fenris' white shirts with some elvish patterns adorning the front, because of their height difference, it hung loose. Still, Elves can look sophisticated and elegant in any garb.

"So what do you think? Am I still dashing, handsome?" he asked me eagerly. I was about to sit opposite him but the elf asked me to come closer.

I'm diplomatic to people who are good to me. "Yeah, don't worry. Hm what about the three lines here?" My fingers touched my left cheek. Zevran was figuring out how to keep the long spaghetti on his fork. I leaned over to help him.

"Sorry, I didn't notice what you said." The Antivan's gaze met mine, and his pupils were molten gold instead of normal brown.

Amazed by that, I went red as I repeated myself. "Oh that's a symbol of the Crows when I reached senior status. For now I won't be painting that."

Oh yea, he wanted to avoid being recognized. "How's the food? You've not eaten this before? It's spaghetti and can be made with this carbonara sauce or other flavours." I explained the stuff laid out on the table as Zev sampled some of each. He liked having more pepper.

As his hands moved, I caught sight of some green or brown twining tattoos on his biceps. Would it be rude of me to stare?

"Haha maybe a long time ago. When I'm on a mark, there's no time to eat a full meal. It's nice."

"What's that, a mark?" He meant the assassin's targeted victim. Whenever the ex Crow talked about his hectic life, he sounded merry as if it didn't perturb him. But I remember how his mask had cracked before, and I was in no hurry to bear the brunt of his hot temper. "Just wondering, how long does it take to make a tattoo?"

He smiled mischeviously, pulling up one sleeve to show me the vine-like patterns. "If it's a small one, may be an hour. It was almost an entire day, for my chest to my stomach. (I cringed at the thought of the pain it must cause) Ah mi querida, you look upset thinking of the pain?"

"Yea. Was it like, compulsory to have them? I mean it's not like the victims will want to look at your… um."

"In fact some of them will. I provided many services, other than poisoning and spying, I went to bed with several—clients. Sometimes, because I loved them I couldn't finish them off and, reported them missing. " Zevran confided even though I had not asked. But that day when I apologized about Rinna he got mad so I remained silent.

"Sabriel, remember we were talking about who are not sinners? Then I got distracted. Some mages asked me before if I had a crisis of conscience."

I nodded, trying to saw open a shellfish. "Yes. And I said we all are. Cos we're not in heaven, we're on a journey on this… earthly plain. Did you have the crisis then, Zev?"

He offered to help me scoop open the shell. Seriously Zevran said, "Yes. With them I always tried to feign nonchalance. My old friends Alistair and Lelianna didn't believe I asked for forgiveness from the Maker. Maybe they did not mean to be so cynical. Right it's open."

"Thank you. I see." I didn't plan to comment anymore on this sensitive topic as he became quiet. I watched how carefully he placed the fork and spoon on the empty plate and listened to the servants' chatter. Today Zevran was in a listening mood, seemed lonely. "Oh I can't wait to read your new letter."

That loneliness evaporated with his smile. "I know. You're not shallow, and it is quite consoling and fun. Do you feel more at ease now?"

"Well, yea. Unless you start tossing knives or needles around, should be okay. Varric said you would sleep with some weapon nearby. Do you, here?"

Zevran shook his head, astonishing me. "For the first time, I feel quite, safe here. You do believe I won't ever harm my saviours, yes?" Now we were standing face to face and I was mesmerized by his Adam's apple. "I hope that we can always be friends. I ask for nothing more." He had such a rich poignant sincerity, which is why I wouldn't forget this moment.

"That's… great to know, coz I don't wanna be stabbed. Of course, you're almost like a grandpa age to me!" I jested, not wanting to burst out crying.

In answer, the elf combed back my wild hair. "Hey you don't know my age for certain. Though it is true I tend to ravish more mature women with bosoms. Your hair is… nice."

We had more than a talk, Fenris being really upfront that I was right to fear him when he lost control. I waited till he finished and met his green gaze steadily. "Fenris, I hear you. It's all true, that people should find a place to hide when you slip into phase-mode. But, you're my hero, I still don't forget it. Did you know how many weeks we waited for you to wake up?" I looked away for a second to compose myself. He had suffered immense bloodloss from my rescue effort.

"Er, one week? Surely I was not that weak." He joked wryly.

"Longer than that. So regardless what happens I ain't abandoning you, Fenris."

He ran his gloved hand through his hair. If the elf was at home, he substituted gauntlets for comfortable leather gloves on some allergic days. "My friend, I don't doubt your loyalty. I mean, you need to be careful. When people got close, I hurt them. Couldn't control the surge of power from.. this. I couldn't tell the others about how… how Hawke really died." Fenris folded his arms and hugged himself, shivering. His head was bowed.

I shook my head though he did not look at me and went to sit beside him. "I am sorry, no need to talk about it if it pains you."

Some of the magic veins shimmered, giving me some static where I patted his shoulder. He sniffled, tears trickling down his face. I was stunned, he never cried! "I feel that I must, now. She had become the Champion of Kirkwall, driven away the enemies and Meredith was gone. We were, in love. Whenever we embraced and my emotions quickened, the memories came back. Did I mention that before?"

He rubbed his eyes and glanced at me. "Yea it is like stimulation right?" I said.

His stable voice was laced with pain and intensified with each word. "I would break it off, and Hawke was angry and didn't understand. She kept insisting it would be all right. When we had… sex, I think the lyrium became too much, it was just so bright. I tried to move away, to recall it. In battle I can, but that night I failed. She lay there in the bed, so still and outside did not look hurt. I begged her to wake up. Then… then I brought her to some mages. Anders had escaped. She… did not…wake up."

"Fenris, it wasn't your fault. Nobody can predict…" I wanted to help, when he pushed my hand away and covered his face, sobbing. That means, Hawke did not die of an accident that Varric and Aveline said but… this? So far all we knew was, mages and Fenris could not be near one another or he'd feel the pains of them drawing on his lyrium or mana.

_He's a weapon, yet you live with him? Freak! A bully had taunted me. I had demanded to know what he insinuated. I didn't get what weapon meant, because he should be treated with dignity for who he is. _

"I.. I need to be alone now. Sorry," Fenris murmured, getting up and heading upstairs. I worried about his stability. Then Zevran came out from the downstairs guestroom, looking quizzical. Had he heard what Fen said? Instead of enquiring, the ex Crow casually asked me where some books were. I showed him, waiting if Zevran would press for answers but he did not.

"He is… very sad now, Zev. I hope he gets well." I told him.

"Oh. He wishes to be alone yes? My hearing is… imbalanced now." Why, due to the medication he was on,for relieving joint aching. I longed to tell Zevran, he's kind and will be able to cheer us up. But it was not my story to tell. Other than meals, Fenris did not come out from his room. Zevran did try to give me massages and kisses. I liked his affection, but just did not feel that way, yet. At least the silences weren't so awkward with his company. I don't think the age gap between us would work out and we discussed about the possibilities.His status was more like mentor and brother

It must be horrible that your Talent kills your loved ones. But I didn't think I'd be injured by that ghost-like power according to templar training sessions. Mine was grouped as a Cleaning aura, similar to Alistair's Holy Smite. He had been able to deter waves of demons and black magic concentrating that power. During a break, I read up about the Sciences of Templar cleansing aura.

Aveline was in her office. She was delighted to see me, until I wanted to discuss this. Of course I did not talk about Fenris' secret. "Is he… sick or hurt? He never replied my messages." She asked, when we had tea.

"He's, um sick. Sleeping in. Aunty can I talk to you? Am I.. immune to magic?"

"Ah, Sabriel. Yes, having a templar ability exempts you from magic attacks, and darkspawn. Didn't Alistair and Cullen explain those in class?" She poured me some tea. She looked exotic with her short ginger hair, having decided long hair was a hassle. Today, Aveline opted not to wear armour and was just wearing a shirt and trousers.

"Ok. Then, what about Fenris' lyrium state? It's not touchable. I notice that when I hold his hand awhile, it's just a spark."

"Honey it's dangerous. We never go near him until he's back to normal. Did he hurt you?" Aveline exclaimed, holding me.

"No! He would not hurt me. I just need to know!" I lost patience and my voice was raised. "Fenris IS normal. Aren't you all his friends?" Why did she label him like that too, as a freak?

She looked sorry and took deep breaths to calm herself. "That didn't come out right, sweetheart. Yes, we are. Listen, it is best to give him space when he's like that. I am sorry. You felt nothing much, but I have seen scores of people who just died on the spot. Fenris was… concerned he may hurt you. And now that assassin lives in the same house. "

"I trust them. Zevran is ok. They're _my friends_, aunty." We stared at each other, until Aveline nodded.

"Would you show me your ability?" I couldn't always replicate the emotions needed, so now I simply pictured Zevran being sold and passed around like a thing and how badly he had got hurt. The heat accumulated in a tight ball in my chest and I cupped it in my hands. Aveline gasped as I aimed at the wall. Smoke fumed and the sign of a tranquil mark scorched.

My hand was still flaming (not a physical fire just mana) and I asked her to let me hold her. "You're not my enemy, so it's not angry." I said smiling when Aveline looked at our joined hands but she was unhurt. Her skill was Indomitable Will, able to stand fast during danger. Silently I implored the aura to retreat and opened my eyes. The force obeyed. So far I'd only tried this with other knights. But not yet with others.

"Looks like you can defend yourself. Zevran is Alistair's friend. He speaks so well of him. If you're sure…"

"Yup I am. He's quite friendly, I hope you can give him a chance. He's a good cook by the way." Then we talked of other matters. I had a great idea!

I rushed home that evening. Stopped outside Fenris' room and listened. "Hello Fenris. I.. I wanna tell you something. Are you, there?" It was completely silent.

After a long moment, when I was about to give up, he replied, "Ah. Wait a moment." Stuff being moved and he cursed softly when a particularly heavy object was dropped. I hoped he was not brooding and crying. Finally the door clicked open and I saw his bare feet first. "You.. want to come in?" he asked in his low voice.

Fenris smiled faintly, his pale hair dishevelled, in a crumpled blue shirt and shorts. "Yes. I'm immune. Give me your hand, and get into that mode." Then I looked behind him, wow! The state of his room was as if some bomb had blown up stuff- rumpled clothing, boxes, trunk half open with miscellany spilling out of it.

"Sorry? I'd been finding the necklace, so, it's quite… messy. Sabriel…"

Shyly, the warrior slipped on the necklace and cleared a space on his bed for me to sit. The feathers matched his skin, and the brandings stopped shimmering.

I held out my hand. He frowned and stared at me as if I had gone mad or become an abomination haha! His green eyes were bright. Right away he resisted. "I won't. Do not be rash."

"I want to show you. We have never hurt each other did you notice?"

Fenris repeatedly refused me, until eventually he said, "I'm… not sure about this. When can you summon it?" I concentrated and my right hand was aflame.

"Fenris trust me." He nodded, and his eyes glazed over as he activated the marks on his left hand that I was facing. The elf grasped my hand quickly.

His power skittered over my arm but it was not painful, just a faint itchy sensation. Fenris blinked. "Incredible. And you're in control now. It's not… painful."

"Yup then you don't have to, be upset. Because, they said it's cleansing aura that's why neutralizes with the lyrium.


	11. In which Zev is grossed by Fluffy

**Part 11: ****In which A Caterpillar is our house guest & Zevran is grossedout**

_Note: I always prefer to have mutual and reasonable respect but deplorable people showed up. Fanfiction is synonymous with fun, Not criticism & nitpicking. I already have a professional network writer's group and tactful friends, thus no need for that._

* * *

"Hello we have a guest today!" I skipped in at midday. Zevran was bringing platters of sandwiches with some of the servants and grinned.

"Oh where is he or she?" He looked behind me.

I beamed and setting down my bag on the couch, took out a glass jar with leaves. He scratched his head, glancing at the door. "This is Fluffy, my science project. We're to observe how much they eat and the life cycle into a butterfly. Awesome!" I gushed, putting the jar at my spot on the table.

"What? Er this is where we eat. Why are you putting it there?" Zev replied, curling his lip.

I pouted. "He Is my pet and I've to look after him. Please. What's wrong?"

We had a mini- argument about that, not shouting but Zevran was grossed-out by insects. This was part 1. "He won't die when you just leave him a while. Don't be ridiculous." He was grumbling other stuff which I didn't understand. I watched Fluffy eating some leaf and tuned that out.

Just then Fenris said 'I'm home' When he is not that busy, we can eat together! He deposited some books on the front table and a smaller sword on the weapons' rack. I think Cullen's lessons were responsible. We called out hello. I introduced my new guest excitedly.

Fenris liked Fluffy and touched the glass to say hi. That is why he's my best friend.

My annoyance with Zev fizzled out, and he said in hurt pride, "She won't listen to me, Fenris. Can you convince her to put it away? So disgusting."

"I thought you're an animal lover." I smiled. Fenris asked me if I would like to. I shook my head.

Zevran did not find that amusing. "That's a bug. It's eugh. Will you take it away or not?" He folded his arms.

"Sorry with all due respect, I need to look after him."

"Fenris!"

"It should be alright, we don't have birds coming in. Actually Zev, she has always brought in a stray creature or two. Too bad I'm allergic to cats." He explained patiently.

"It would be fine if it's not _that thing, Braska! _"

The warrior chuckled. "Still, it's not good for his blood pressure. I'll take a bath. You can start first, don't wait." I reached out to take a sandwich but Zev whisked the platters away. Darn!

He moved to the farthest end of the table. Our dinner table is rectangular. I sighed and patted the jar cover. Mary chuckled and said we're both stubborn.

"Er, don't be upset. I just wanted to… lighten things up." I said after I washed my hands and came beside him. Zev did not answer.

How awkward. Why must he be so petulant? I went to the kitchens. Some of the cooks were talking. I asked them why he was moody. "Oh he wanted to make lunch for you guys. It really is not everyday we put worms at table," the washer woman remarked.

I racked my brain…. There's an oriental tradition* of offering tea to the teacher when he or she is pissed. I can do that! There was some premium tea in the pot so I took a small cup and put it on a tray.

As I balanced it carefully and slowly walked over, Fenris had come out drying his hair. He smiled.

Without speaking, I started tipping the pot to fill cups. Then holding one with both hands, I approached Zev who stopped chewing. "I'm you accept my token?" I bowed my head and offered him the cup.

He did not speak for a long time. Then, "Yes. Hm I'm impressed." He said without heat in his voice.

"Hey squirt do I get one too? So cute." Fenris chuckled. I did the same for him.

The next day, I snuck this into his room when he was asleep.

_Dearest Zevran maestro, _

_Of course I won't laugh at you. So you mean you were behind the group? My guess, and that must have been hurtful. Weren't some friendly? I asked Alistair what he thought, he said because you had set a trap for them and they could not trust you. We are keen to understand your side of stuff… How long were you at the back? _

_Ah I saw the dwarf boy Sandal, I think. He helps with Fen's enchantment stuff and repairs. He is pitiful he only speaks very little, because it's autism. It means he cannot use complex words nor understand relationships with people. It happens more in boys. They are specialists in certain areas, very smart, like him knowing about explosives and runes. My class has a boy like him, so we are asked to be more tolerant and patient. He is new, partly why he's easily agitated and start shouting, takes very long to calm down. _

_He will stay in a room by himself, until they figure out how to help him, aww._

_Sandal's father looked worried when he still replied short words to Fenris, who pities him. At first, I saw Fenris scowling and asked, are you angry? _

_No, he feels sorry for the poor chap. They're very good with animals. There's this true story of a cat who helped an autistic boy. Quite funny, he would run to talk to her and say 'I love you' ignoring Everyone else! Nor will he hug or care about them! It is all indirect… so Zevran have you seen people like that? Are you patient? Yea, that Aveline was Fereldan too and they didn't allow females in duels and competitions. That all changed when men were conscripted yet there were not enough forces against the rebels and darkspawn._

_All sexes are equal in your countries? Antiva and Dalish? Cool! Can I ask you a big favour? If you're going to visit any Dalish, can I come with you please? It is alright if it troubles you too much. I don't think I wanna ask permission from aunty or the others, because they won't allow me. When you're better, can reply me like that? Thanks! I did ride past Sundermount with Aveline once when we were practising archery. Thought I saw some people flash into the trees. After that she said it's too dangerous to go on my own. Fenris doesn't like to. When I met Merrill, I wanted to ask her if I can go but I don't have the chance to. _

_Thank you for making us feel less shy and awkward. Sometimes, haha we have not much to say. Especially when he's sleepy after missions and I'm dreaming. Do we bore you? It was quite normal when I was younger, Uncle said he did not know what to talk to me about… about mages and Tevinter and all that would be too heavy. It's nice when you talk, Zev! In fact I was worried about your silences these days. Is something bothering you? Do you tend to withdraw and stew in angry silence? _

_I'm like that, and know it's bad but because I can't solve anything by screaming. I only raise my voice at Mother, which is always a frigging disaster. _

_I was shocked when you shouted at me, and cut your hand. I didn't know what to do. Do you cool down fast? Aww, all these are so many questions hope you don't have a headache. Understand if you don't wish to mention some. _

_Oh I checked in a dictionary, brother is hermano in your language. Want to learn more. Great you don't mind long letters. I express myself better like this. Haha, sure you are free to cry. But I didn't do anything special… I'm stunned. Elves are my favourite people and exotic, handsome (I'm blushing hot) and your eyes are like jewellery. I love eating meals and spending time together. Oh, not at all, your background does not matter to me. The inner values are more important, such as you are a great listener, passionate and supportive. I'm an introvert, feeling these is a kind of 'power'. Oh dear, please don't cry again when you read this part. And I don't see myself as superior to any race. _

_All my friends outside except the traditionalists-funks, want to fight for equality of rights. I hated it that people made Fen a slave, if I had a choice I would lead an army to wallop them. _

_The girls envy I've two of you live with me, heheh! Er love is… okay what type of love? I was hearing this song, Suerte what does it mean? I didn't know you hate bugs, Zevran. I really like most of them except bees. Sorry._

_See you around! Sabriel_

Since he had been mad at me, I didn't expect him to respond kindly.

Bueno mi querida bonita,

Means goodday to you my beloved friend, a variation of Antivan. I think I shall answer from the back. Oh that bug, no I don't like them at all. You were really naughty that day. But it's alright, don't do it again.

Suerte means a celebration of life, good fortune. Yea you've a great many questions, hope to cover all of them. I'm happy why will I have a headache? You're cute. Nope I won't cry, come now. I'm not that weak. Really, so you'll help us revolt against humans? Don't be impulsive, calm down. Fenris will be very happy that you all want to free slaves! Same, I would join you if there's a chance. It's noble ideals.

Oh wow you're so deep. I've no idea about autism or introvert. Ah thought it was on purpose, when Sandal would not talk properly. Then there's no cure for them? Why does it happen? I got impatient with Sandal, full of guilt now. Not at all, you are both very interesting company, I'm not bored.

Well yes I've a hot temper. I wish I can control myself, apologies I remember. I was not angry with you, Sabriel, but sad and helpless that Rinna is gone. I cannot make up for the wrong… when I almost married her. And I feel bad for asking you everytime. I wish she'll come talk to me in dreams or Fade. Also depends how deep is my anger. Sometimes if it's just a small quarrel, I flare up and walk away. I'd almost stabbed business partners before. But I don't regret that. They got drunk and humiliated me loudly in taverns, that I have no parents. It pissed me off. How dare they insult me. You have no need to fear, in your home I don't carry any daggers or needles. Why did Varric say that? : ( Is he not a rogue too? Rogue is another word for assassin. As a sinner I've made many mistakes but once I'm indebted to my saviours, I take my oaths seriously. This is not the value the other Crows live by, but I do.

Then you do that stew in long silence? That is bad, indeed. Won't it be more painful to hold it inside? That day when you ran in and out, asked me not to talk to them where you went, we were all worried. Did you know that? Wonder if Fenris had said he was shouting at us how can we let you go missing. It is the past now, more than two months, I do not mean to be petty. But it was quite tense. He really loves you, that Wolf. Like you said to me, as long as three people in the world care about us, then there's hope. It is the wisest advice ever. Please don't bottle all that pain up all right?

Now for that rather important issue, you wish to come with me to meet the Dalish? Is it because they seem exotic? Feeling troubled is not an issue, querida. As you have mentioned, will your family, especially Aveline trust me? I don't know if it is a good idea to sneak off as you have suggested. I actually know the keeper of the present clan a few days from Kirkwall. LiaRineth allied with us during the Werewolf blight. I asked Merrill to be our messenger, they are good friends as well. I hoped to find some relatives. Perhaps we can plan this 'quest' more carefully when I'm stronger.

Do you know they are resentful of humans? It can be dangerous. When we were negotiating for an audience with an older Elf mage (he was evil) the sentries almost riddled us with arrows. Luckily I came in front and they held back. Real stress to convince those dalish not to slay my human friends. It did not help that Sten the qunari and Shale were threatening displays. Shale was a golem. Wait, don't you intend to talk to Fenris? Let's not hurt him again please. Of course, I understand this is to be hush, for now. Truthfully my Dalish is quite pathetic and I would need someone's tutelage. Otherwise they may be pissed with me too, yes? You would be my responsibility, I don't mind looking after you. But my confidence is lacking, for I'm accustomed simply to be alert for danger and myself.

I want to learn how to use the two sticks for the noodles, chopsticks?

Feel free to tell me when I go overboard chattering. Why are you not awkward during Fenris' silence? I will be so uncomfortable and squirming :- ) The other day he remarks how I should imitate this kind of silence. Mostly we talk about what we did together. I haven't given up on romancing him yet, he is So mature and honourable. Don't worry, I didn't bring up the slavery bit. In fact I never asked him about the markings, except that they're unique.

Write back!

Mucho amor,

Zevran


	12. Contigo and spelling

**Chap 12 Giving Spelling to Fenris**

_*yogurt is available in my Kirkwall =) they're really delicious and are a great substitute for people who don't like milk _

_All the Spanish I use here are from Shakira's song I'm addicted. Detest trolls, so what if i write in my style? So much criticisms :  
_

The pale haired elf frowned and tried to peep at the word list. Like for elementary school, Fenris learnt from a list, occasionally with dictation. The informal lessons were not regular though, depended if Alistair or Cullen were free at the same time.

"What word is that? Pronounce clearly." He glared at the quill.

"I have! Aris-to-crat," Zevran had wanted to give him spelling! He rolled the Rs, whisking the paper further away. Fenris acted as though he had not tried to cheat. I smiled.

"You can do it," I encouraged him. Slowly Fen made a small 'a', his brows furrowed in concentration. "Come now my voice is clear. I've tried to reduce the accent too."

"He understands." I said to appease the hot-tempered elf. After thinking for few more minutes, the lyrium elf produced (Ari). The rest of the alphabets got wiggled together.

"Zev, patience. Restraint." I wanted to emphasize that, since he admitted he bullied Sandal before. During one of our very enlightening storytellings, I tended to interrupt the Antivan if I didn't quite 'see' the colors and pictures clearly. Now that we were all more familiar with each other's company, I truly wanted to help the blond with buttoning his vest and sort of 'remind' him to eat according to the healthy foods list. Oh yea, I also confiscated the wines. Sometimes Zev said I drove him nuts and he'd be pissed but after a while I would appease him somehow. Unlike us, he could appreciate beautiful things so whenever I made an artpiece he was distracted and forgot his temper. Yay!

Now Zevran made a face at me. He pouted at all the wrong words that Fenris had scribbled out. "You shouldn't always point out mistakes, Kitty It's not polite. How will you feel if I do it also?" He folded his arms.

"Sorry. It's true, though yes? Contigo!" I said gleefully.

"Not again, that's broken antivan my dear. I thought it's a song, is it not complete?" Zev said, trying to suppress a chuckle. He coughed.

"Yea it is! I heard it at a music festival, and my friend showed me the lyrics. But I only copied a few. I love the word contigo and suerte. "

"Contigo, with you, suerte lucky, fortune.. ha you can't use them like that," he responded shaking his head. "Actually I wish to go to a music festival. Would you mind accompanying me?" I was fine with it.

Fenris laughed, his shoulders shaking. Zevran and I are a great cheering team, even when we don't intend to joke.

His eyes glittered. The quill was bent and some ink had spilled. "I'm hopeless at this. Not going to be a language person."

We assured him together not to be disheartened. "Thanks. But from your face Zevran it is quite bad?"

"Ah yea. Only 'elf' is right. Sabriel, since you are becoming less blunt, I think it's Only fair I become sharper yes?"

I asked my favourite huh word. "Ah I mean excuse me?"

"To point out your flaws more." I was arrested by a giggling fit at that. "Sabriel, hey."

"Fenris he's SO bad and petty." I received a playful jab to my shoulder.

Fenris said contigo and suerte too. Zev began giving some examples.

"Umhm. Seems that I'm at the lowest level of elementary? I want to read those animal books you have. They're fun," my best friend revealed in a greatly innocent tone. He yawned and rubbed his nose bridge.

"Yup. Let's take a break now. Something sweet to help." I gestured to the yogurts at the centre of the table. Fenris said "Break, yes. But that's too sweet. You both like it?" He stretched his long limbs and rose to his full height. The yogurt had some fruit pieces inside. Zevran hated the taste of milk and the odours, so after experimenting with a number of brands, we went shopping for a few cups. He really needed more calcium to heal faster. Recently a medic found one of his cracked bones on the ankle had not fully healed.

"Which do you want? Kitty." He tweaked my ear when I put my finger to my chin. Never can I decide immediately what I want. Zev chose the mango flavour and opened the seal. "Well I'm not a kitty. Kit is fine. Fen'll become a pro one day." I made sure that Fenris could hear me. Even if he does not expressively show his happiness, it boosts his confidence.

Zev smiled. "Yes it is good, awesome to look on the bright side. Because I recall your favourite animal is the cat hence kitty." I decided to take the blue flavoured one.

"Yup, more like big cats. You're like a cat too! In behaviour, and grace."

"Am I to be pleased with that, or some odd… hint?" I softened my gaze as he glanced up.

"Of course. No hints. I can flatter people if I want. Er let me try this_… la felicidad tiene tu nombre y tu piel. _Did I get it right? Forgot what it means._"_

Zev laughed. "Good you got the accent right. But, are you certain to say this to me?"

"Um why not?"

"Happiness has your name and your skin. I suppose this song is about, romancing and desires? Wow." With one hand, Zev undid the top clasp of his shirt. Last week, when he had done that I didn't understand so guess what. I helped him to close it back.

"Well it involved a lot of dancing. Is it a practice in Antiva?"

He was pleased when I looked at his muscles and some of the not scary tattoos. To not hurt Zev's feelings because my first reaction when I opened his door and saw the dark patterns over his back, I had not mentioned my nausea. Fenris' lines, I had always looked at them, not these.

"Just to try out new words. To practice on any boy I like. "

"You can practise with me. Strange, why did you run off that day after you saw my back?" He frowned.

I was hoping to avoid that. I called Fenris when he had quietly come behind us. "Zevran, I cannot allow you to hurt Sabriel's feelings. Didn't we talk about being at a friends' stage first?"

"Ah yes yes. Key word is practice."

"So is the cookie nice? Plain cream crackers." I wanted to know. Fen took another one to nibble at.

"Good. Not too sweet, the… dentist was nagging and being very rough. If he were not Donnic's friend, he would be dead." I dragged out a 'Noooo' He shrugged.

Zev shook his head. "This is not sweet. We sampled a few. I'd rather eat this everyday than drink milk." He had reduced night outings and when the guards did not update about suspicious assassin like guys, the exCrow liked to check out the markets and groceries.

Yea that was cat-like, one moment ago Zev had been angry but now he was relaxed.

Hey Zev hermano! Querida and all of that sound lovely. Oh, then you're not refusing me outright. : ) Very happy, but I don't know how to tell them. Can you help me, Zevran? Yea I see your concerns. I know and believe that Aveline will listen to reason eventually. Hence this is why I'm starting to think about all these plans now, for enough time. Impressive! I can just imagine you fighting werewolves. Not at all,

You will be fantastic at Dalish!

I have an idea, let's eat dinner together, all of us! What do you think, don't pass out ok? Because I want Merrill (and possibly Anders) make up with Uncle Fen, then maybe we can talk with Aveline nicely. Varric and Alistair are always nice. Anders seems nuts talking to himself while healing. I like it that he is an ardent cat-lover! While waiting for my friend, I stroked all the refugee kitties Anders adopted. Normally I was a bit nervous of him and also don't see mages all the time. He let me feed them and we chatted about kitties for hours! Haha. Zev, how do you find him?

Really feel like persuading Fenris to let me invite them. But it won't be easy I know.

Oh, that is a rumor I heard, Dalish resenting humans. I'm not afraid of danger, we'll be together yes? I like your accent loads, you seem to have cut down on the questions at the back. Merry (haha) and the great Zevran protecting me, everything will be fine. Please tell me about the golem! Are they invincible and immortal?

On the silences with Fen, nope I don't feel awkward or uncomfortable. I would sit near him while he's sleeping or polishing his sword or eating. Haha you're so funny. Nah Fenris doesn't mean that you need to be like me, it's impossible. We're all unique individuals. Then I've a question, why do you not like silence? It can be relaxing and fun. Must beware of the assassin's hot temper. I'm sorry that he shouted at you, no he did not mention that. Fenris simply listened to me complaining and was quite soft. Maybe too tired.

It is normal to be sad and mixed up… though I know little of grief. My father abandoned me, he isn't dead but he may as well be. Varric and Fenris are better fathers. Sure,I can't see Rinna, I wish I can tell you but no. I just hear her and how shall I say this, we are on the same frequency…. I like your positive attitude and charm. Oh no, you've not recovered fully yet? Please take it easy. Definitely I won't go ahead, if you're ill. Get well soon!

Yea you stabbed those insulting jerkholes? In this case, it was not your fault, how can they shame you in public? I forgot you're an orphan Zev and yes I'd also be violent in your shoes or boots. It's from the phrase 'walk in another's shoes'

Cool I like it that elven honour. It is normal to make mistakes. Actually I thought most of you elves are perfect. Thank you for not scaring me haha. Varric is eh—I actually don't know if he is a rogue. He uses Bianca his trusty crossbow and does many many businesses. His hobby is writing stories about our adventures. Aww, I feel like weeping. Three people love me, as in Fen, Alistair and Aveline. And now I have Zev too right?

Hugs,

Sabriel


	13. Dalish

** 13 Possible Dalish excursion**

One night, close to my bedtime, I heard Fenris open his door and speaking to someone. The other person laughed and I smiled, ah Zevran had returned from his short investigation. They were standing outside the hallway, with the blond leaning sideways against the wall on the left, his animated voice rising and falling with gestures. I did not understand the dialect Zev was using, and Fenris listened, responding with his trademark wolfish tones. His back was to me.

_Now I'm barefoot, can I sneak up on them? _Fen usually pretended not to detect me. I kept my head low and smiled.

Zev greeted in an unsurprised voice, "Hi bonita, haven't slept yet?" I smacked my forehead. Busted!

His hair was plastered to his brow, though he did not appear to be hurt physically.

"Nope. Are you ok? Boo Uncle Fen!" My guardian poked me as I straightened.

"A bit tired. Thank you." He was quite intent in his smouldering gaze of Fenris, and did not move to open his door.

Fenris turned to me. "I've to go in a while. Don't stay up too late." Oh, I just noticed he was geared in his armor, only he had not strapped on his sword and gauntlets yet.

"Where are you going? Be careful."

"A night patrol further down Hightown. I _am_ a weapon, you know. Relax," He pointed out calmly, ruffling my hair. I nodded. Zevran remarked, "Before that, a moment with Fenris please? It's important."

Oh from his slightly irked tone, I had been interrupting 'something'? "Yes. Would you bring some tea and water over for us, squirt?" They continued the strange dialect. As I was walking down to the kitchens, I glanced up and Zevran seemed to close the personal space distance to Fenris. Come on, how did I know he was going to romance him again?

When I returned, Fenris was outside Zev's room. The Antivan was helping him with his armor. "Thanks, I understand…. I should be going now, almost late. Take care," he said, gulping down one glass and rushing out. I responded bye and watched him leaving. Zevran had removed his shirt and was running a comb through his messy hair. His only table was covered by things.

"Er…where do I?"

"Ah thank you darling. Hold on." The elf got up gathering up scrolls and sweeping a space for the tray. One was a dagger, sheathed. Its handle was colourful. Zevran kept it inside a drawer. All his ink tattoos were visible and in various patterns I couldn't describe. They resembled nothing of birds.

I thought it best to leave him alone, since he was moody. "I'll go to bed now, Zevran. See you." He did not answer, more focused on the windows.

Therefore imagine my shock later, when Zev came to seek me out. I think I had fallen asleep for a few hours when the knocks sounded in a familiar rhythm. I said come in and turned to face the door. He was wearing a thin white shirt and seemed pale and ghostlike, feet soundless on the carpet.

"Ooh I did a new letter for you," I mumbled, pointing to the short envelope on my desk. At the same time, I fumbled for the table lamp switch.

"Oh Cool!" Zev smoothed the paper and elegantly took my chair, smiling. My heart squeezed that he looked so cute! Illuminated by light, his effeminate features were much accentuated.

"I thought you're tired and annoyed?" I scratched my head.

"Yea, it was… um important. But not your fault. Do you want to talk about.. that?" He said brightly, fatigue wiped from his tone and his long fingers caressed some hair near his cheek.

"Er Fenris…"

"Won't be back till tomorrow. I am babysitting you, Kitty. Why do you want to visit the Dalish?" Zevran was really candid today, quite a significant change and that almost made me jump up. But I felt too lazy and comfortable. He leaned back, and there was sufficient personal space.

"Because, Zevran I want to really see and talk to real Dalish in the forest! It'll be like an.. adventure and I like wildlife too. Will you allow it? I _know_ you can take care of me." I strained to see his face, which was blurry in my inferior vision. So I could just judge from his voice…

The elf chuckled. "Umhm. I didn't say no, yet. I think it requires a lot of planning. I doubt I can walk that far. Even if it is near Kirkwall. There's also permission issues your family. Merrill saying I'm horrible at the language. "

"Omg it can't be. How come?" I almost fell off the bed and his hand gently nudged me to lie down.

"We met up. What she said I can't answer, can't understand and I am rather slow at it. She's quite patient I give her that. What is that omg?"

"Ohmi god. I have confidence in you Zev! We can take the horses, the stables are a few hours from here. Hawke gave them to Fenris." If only I could see Merrill again, we really had a fun girl time! That boded well, Zevran and her getting along fine.

"You are making me embarrassed. Ok."

"Fantastic you went to her home Zev."

He said once she invited him home but subsequently they met at a café nearby, or if he was helping the templars, she also went to the Academy. Awesome to picture them! "I think can apply the omg to her house. The woman cannot go near anything edible, the water tasted… yuck and I didn't dare touch the food. Is it all right for you to see her outside the Alienage?"

"Yea. Fenris doesn't like me going there. We talked and he still got worried. I don't know how to start to tell him about… this." My best friend was very stubborn on my safety, other than the anti-magic stance.

"I understand. He is right, not a good place for humans. They've cleaned up, but still it is dirty and suspicion of strangers. Maybe she can find you when she comes to your school, that will be good. If our schedules are… same." The elf smoothed the wrinkles on my blanket and his voice flowed soothingly.

"Yay. I can't believe you barely talk with children. Then again I'm not a child."

"A young woman, is it not? Haha quite true, I mostly speak with adults."

Of course I was burning with curiosity if he liked Merry in that sense! He was gasping. I giggled too. "I don't want to laugh anymore, please stop. Having a cramp. She is not my type. As in, I cannot relate to her ideas and she sees me as just a friend. Besides I can't stay with her, my health will.. suffer. That is what I've to talk about as well, Sabriel." He paused.

What? Worries surfaced when I heard Zev's confession. He had almost passed out twice when alone. Once was outside. Feeling tired and weak, the elf also noticed the sky darkening. Actually when he managed to ask someone, they stopped him from getting up because there was nothing wrong with the outside colors but "I could not see anything, like this fading black or spots. Perhaps not enough sleep, or exertion. I… have to be honest."

I squeezed his hand. "Zevran I'm so sorry. You didn't tell us. When? You should lie down." Also I think I asked if he felt panicked. He admitted his initial fear, that becoming blind would be a huge burden.

"I'm much better. Eh now I am telling you. Yesterday a friend made me go to Anders' clinic. He said I have low blood pressure nothing wrong with my eyes. Don't be sad, Kitty." I moved in and invited him to lie down beside me. Zev smiled. "I do not feel weak now. You sure.. don't mind the closeness?"

I shrugged, "Just awhile. No taking off clothes. Is there any pain, behind your eyes?"

Zev smelled of fragrance, a mix of flowers and wine and Antiva? My nose gave a good whiff while I tried to make it subtle. Haha! We don't just rely on our sight.

"No pain. How does this feel?" His voice had dipped really low though he was not facing me. Zevran looked much younger, his eyes closed. I propped myself on an elbow to look at him.

"Er a new thing. When I was young, I wanted to… sleep with Fen when I had nightmares. Usually he did not want to hurt me. I think it was only once and, he faced his back to me. But, felt secure. Oh yea have I told you I Truly feel excited- about you guys?" I beamed and elaborated on the ancient history when men and elves used to live in harmony, until the Great Chasm. Both sides betrayed each other which led to division and suspicion of motives. Until the time of the Blight and the Archdemon, nobody would make peace…

Zevran nodded. "This, history is new. But yea you've repeated that in letters. Now I'm both happy and worried." The latter feeling because he was not such a perfect soul and I was expecting him to be haha! "Perhaps my… grandfathers and the before generations, were that noble. My blades have tasted much, bloodshed." As I was tracing his cheekbone with my gaze, he looked at me with perfect honey eyes.

"Ah Sabriel?" If he had not spoken I would have felt hypnotized. "Let's eat something, I'm hungry."

"Oh ok! Yea let's go right now, wouldn't want to worsen cramps." He said he would wait outside. I wore something warmer.

Betty the night shift lady heated up a light supper of broth and some loaves for us at the spare guest room on this floor. Zevran said his body had cravings for food at the most odd times. "I used to take the nightwatch for three nights. Now I can't and I get hungry when I'm sleepy too." He sighed and dipped his bread.

"Hey it's alright, Zevran. Don't do that, you need to sleep more. And yep eat more. Did Anders say if you have too little blood?"

We chatted on a mentor-student level. I told him about how guys treat me like their 'brother' and I did feel wistful about that, when I crushed on my seniors. "That was before I met Alistair and then Fenris. Sucks to feel so pathetic and hurt." I shook my head.

"Kit, to Love is not weak. I have been hurt countless times. Can it really be avoided?

I see why you mock romance stories. That may be true some boys view you as brothers, but it is possible. I can _help _you there." He grinned.

"Of course I will avoid it. How do you recover from breakups? Like, you cannot eat nor sleep?" I cringed.

He pondered this and discussed some exlovers. One of them was Isabela, who helped Aveline and Fenris before. They had been a loose couple. "Ah I think she didn't like weak men. You know, after so many losses, I lower the expectation that romance can last. Not exactly a fine example, Sabriel. But it is not weak." Zevran's voice and smile made me forget that he once suffered. His voice suffused with great passion. I argued in a friendly way that not-eating or sleeping over relationships would make us get ill.

But he begged to differ.


	14. Negotiations

Chap 14 Negotiations And Scouting Time (improved V)

Tevinter guide: *vobis cor meum- you break my heart

_*carissime- dear friend_

_*siong- hokkien for tough time/ stress Recommended: Within Temptation Stand My ground _

* * *

A month after, Zevran had mostly recovered from his weaknesses. So, I tried to find a right moment to tell Fenris about it. During a particularly interesting week, Fenris returned in a perpetual buoyant mood bearing gifts for us. He had got a pay raise. I always tried to persuade maestro- Zev to talk on my behalf. That's my nickname for him at the moment, which never fails to turn his eartips red. It was hard not to be touched by the passionate and fiery assassin!

"He won't be as angry with you as me. I'm not sure how much trust I can push,Kitty. I am with you, " Zev replied every time. If he were to suggest the plan, he might be perceived as separating me from family. Because aunty Aveline and Fenris are my guardians, though I don't go over to her house that much. Zev's standing with her was not great.

I didn't want to ruin Fenris' rare happiness. But I really wanted to go and couldn't wait! "Ah Fen, is it ok if I go with Merry and Zevran for a camping trip?" If possible I did not want to mention where. We were all together in the main hall, and I was standing, half hoping that maybe my friend would readily agree or not hear properly. The warrior was flipping through newspapers, his side to me. I had rehearsed possible answers many times the day before. Zev blinked, his ear pricking.

Fenris frowned at me. "And I am not invited to go, Sabriel, why?"

"Because… we're going to explore some jungles and history, plants and I doubt you like that." His expression did not change, at least the brandings were not lit. Zevran smiled and gently motioned for me to continue. Of course he was the best glib-tongued talker but if he were to suggest, they would be angry. (perceive as a bad influence) _'why don't I make a letter to mum and then a memo to Fenris then they'd just see it later?' My original plan. 'It won't help, they'd be much angrier yes? I think it wise to ask for permission. I am not important, you are. If Fenris does not agree we should respect him, Zevran had talked me out of it. Aww. _Also my best friend did not have patience for memos.

When Fenris responded with a long silence and stiffened, frowning, I heard my own heart fluttering. My knees weak, I sank down beside Zev. "Oh. Is this something- did he put you up to this? I can't allow it," Fen said coldly, his neck tattoos swirling. This was a sign of fluctuating anger, a stage before full-blown phase Blue.  
Fenris glared at the Antivan.

"No. I want to. Please don't be upset, Fenris, let us explain." I pleaded, clasping my hands. I did not dare to turn and see the other elf's reaction, just concerned Fenris might be violent. Thankfully the warrior did not get up.

"No. I want to. Please don't be upset, Fenris, let us explain." I pleaded.

"It's too dangerous carissime, There's nature _here_, Sabriel, don't you remember? And I can protect you." Now I read that he sounded not just angry, but wounded. Because of abuse, he had a tendency to express both anger and pain together… I didn't understand the foreign word, but I had an emotional urge to cry.

Back when I did not always want to go to school, Fenris and I would ride or stroll to secluded areas, more fields than forests to the south of Kirkwall. We shared picnics, if my housekeeper did not bake scones and sweet teas, Fenris somehow brought food. Sometimes other friends came too, but he really meant the times we bonded just him and me. All these rushed in now unbidden, nothing can come between us. The littlest of gestures, his wide eyed happiness when I gave him my whole hearted attention and the rarest of smiles,meticulous when he asked about my homework, and my day, truthful and sincerity.

Fenris looked away, his pale hair concealing his face, while I controlled my tears from spilling over. I dug my nails into my hands.

_Ah this was so messed up, Maybe I should forget about it! How cruel that I am thoughtless. But I just remembered now! _In the end I could not talk about these, just "I—respect you, Uncle. So I couldn't just leave without telling… Um…" I glanced at Zev who was perfectly calm.

He said evenly, "I have been searching for my lost relative. She seems to be at a Dalish clan, near Kirkwall. Dear girl wants to experience the forest life and understand their culture. Merrill knows the place and we will plan very carefully. No unnecessary dangers. " And I was so glad Fenris started breathing normally again. "You can come as well, we understand your concerns."

That astonished me, and I looked at Zev huh? Because Dalish were unpleasant to the other races of elves from the city, their Sundermount times had illustrated that.

"There are Dalish people here. You don't need to traipse off to the wilds."

"For how long? The thing is, I do not know when I can take the days off. You are certain you know the place, Zevran?" Logically, Fenris said.

"Yes Merry and I will be surveying the area first."

Fenris nodded.

For that we had not decided, on length of time. The jovial elf discussed that everything also depended on his health and stamina.

"Yea, if he's ill and too tired, we won't go through with it. That's for sure." I touched Zevran lightly on the sleeve.

"Then, I will have to consider it. You ask if it is 'ok' have not decided, have you?" Fen asked with his protective tone. He managed a fleeting sad smile.

"Er not really." My hope was extinguished with my reply, and I could not look directly at Fenris. He did not get over bad moods easily, knowing him well even if he sounded stoic and fine on the surface the strong willed elf would not compromise easily. Softly Zev asked me to go and hug him. Yea I ought not to cause him worry and hurt, Fenris has always been supportive of me. He was checking the papers when I held out my hands.

Did he mind a hug? Fen looked up from pretending to read and instead of touching hands, he pulled me close and I laid my head on his shoulder. "Vobis cor meum" He whispered. Though I didn't understand Arcanum or tevinter, his tone did not mean harm and malice.

The reticent warrior said nothing about this for four days and I noticed he tried to be present more often. Fenris asked to eat together, but I didn't have a good mood and gave monosyllabic responses. He didn't show much pain.

One day he gleefully took my hand and said, "I've a surprise for you."

I was curious. "Ooh what?" Fenris beamed. Fluffy the caterpillar was growing fat these days and I kept him near the furthermost window. Today another glass jar with leaves was beside it. "Eh what's that?"

"Look. I thought it can be company." His voice was light.

As the bug crawled out from its hiding place, I squealed. "So CUTE! Kawaii! How did you get it?"

"I saw this tree, or bush with some. I told the gardener not to kill them and saved one. Do you like it carissime?" Fenris waited.

I pictured him attempting to be gentle while capturing the Little pink one and nodded vigorously. "Yea definitely! I think I shall name her Kawaii. Means super cute."

"A good name. You're not still, mad at me are you?" He asked. I looked up from the bugs and studied the fearless elf clad in a sleeveless golden tunic and leather pants. His fringe covered one ear. All his markings were exposed today, probably he felt allergic and if he scratched at them would break the skin.

He stroked one arm with a frown.

"I'm- not. I remember those times, it was so special. I guess if you don't consent I won't insist." I said, even as my heart was sinking. I pointed to a soothing balm we had got as a sample on the table.

"I've been thinking about it. If Zevran can prove he is able to ensure your safety, I wouldn't refuse. Merrill is Dalish, but she cannot cook. I was surprised he says I can come. But I may not be able to." Fenris was telling me eagerly. He screwed open the lid.

His right bicep's tattoos had some redness. I began to apply the balm for him. "You will really stay if I don't give you permission? What about Aveline and, your mother?" Or maybe I'd find some way to sneak off for a while, just a few days from here anyway.

"Ah, them. I've- tried to tell Ave, but she didn't answer. Hehe."

He said he'd give me an answer after taking a nap. I didn't feel that much of hope, and glumly watched Zevran looking at his assortment of light armor and clothes.

"Hm how goes it?" The elf did not need to turn around when my hand was ready to knock.

"Eh waiting. He… is stalling. Aw man. Are you packing Zevran?" I came in as he smiled at me.

"Not so fast. The friends here have kindly tailored some of these for me. Care to give me your opinion?" He grinned, holding up a blue shirt. They are Fereldan design, because Kirkwall fashion has earthly tones and is generally grey. The elf agreed not to undress his private area just trying on shirts.

"They're All wonderful on you."

"You should continue flattering, bonita. Ah did you notice Fenris used some- um fanciful language? He won't tell me what he meant." Zevran remarked, tying the sash for his decided clothing.

"Yea I… think it's tevinter. Or qunlat, I never ask and he seldom translates. Cari- one sounds nice. He keeps calling me that." I puzzled.

My impatience was soon forgotten with idle chatter and the cute charming Antivan's opinions. Then Fenris said he had come to a decision.

"I do not mind you going, Sabriel. However I need a favour." He looked determined and resolute.

Zev waved gracefully. "Zevran I need you to show me the area and the routes. You and Merrill have been to this Dalish encampment before?" Fen addressed him.

"She has. I plan to, soon. Anytime when you're free." Did I see Zev blushing at the ears as their gazes met? Fenris smiled. He said it was not meant to be a request but a statement.

On a morning weekend, we rode to the forest to get familiarized with the route. Mine was a mare, Zev rode a silver stallion and Fenris' was his favourite white stallion. I don't remember their names. Zev just read the map occasionally. Both elves were alert and attuned to their surroundings. Our horses were mostly cooperative, but the merry elf's one was not. Zev had to wrestle with his to keep it on the path. "Can you, do something to help me? I've not ridden for months." He appealed with wounded pride at our chuckles.

"You ok?" He was sheen with sweat.

"I am fine, but someone's not happy with me." Zevran dismounted, panting slightly. "Maybe in a bad mood?" I got off to stretch my legs and passed him the waterskin. Fenris worked magic with the unhappy horse, stroking it and giving it some fruits.

"He totally rocks at this with horsies. I fell off too. Sorry about that. Looks like my mission is cut out for me."

"Huh?"

"Why to transform or convert you to love animals Zevran!" I said chirpily. To which maestro covered his face and moaned.

"I _like _most of them alright?"

"Clearly not enough, horses are very sensitive. Did you let Kipper smell you earlier on?" Fenris said joining us. Then Fenris took Zevran's hand and asked him to get re-introduced. Kipper whinnied and blew hot breath into the petite elf's face, and he sighed. His patience was being challenged. Zevran's hair was all messy.

I made a thumbsup. "Such a miracle taming, Uncle!" Fenris' ears twitched and he laughed.

"Well, I'm better with horses than people. Now you feed him." He handed Zev a pouch of nibbles. Kipper nosed his hand to which the elf said don't wet him. Fenris teased him. "I thought All of our peoples especially the Dalish are good with wildlife?"

"I was born in the city, and I took the ship or walked to most places."

"Wah so tiring and siong* isn't that?" I remarked.


End file.
